Pig-- But when you spoke to them were you luciferous?
Jew-- Ah, no, but I was almost zatetic.
Pig-- Fascinating, can I see what you look like
under that yashmak by the way?
Jew-- No, because it will cause xanthopsia.
Pig-- Woah, bummer, pass me a coconut and a
springroll please, and wash behind my bad ear
with that tar brush, could you?
Jew-- Certainly, by the way, I want you to
know that even If I'm starving, I won't eat you.
Pig-- Well, that's nice, so you don't believe
in withernam?
Jew-- No, just valetudinarianism.
Pig-- That's sad, sorry to hear that.
That's a hell of a ukase.
Jew-- It could be worse. I could have taphephobia.
Pig-- Or your scrotum could be aciniform?
Jew-- Ha! Ha!
Pig-- Hee Hee...
Jew-- You know what I like more than anything?
Jactitation. Boy what a surge to my loins & ego!
Pig-- Not me, I'm into Necyomancy.
Jew-- Wow, is that scary?
Pig-- Nah, Satan doesn't eat pig either.
He just eats Jews and shellfish.
Jew-- I once knew an Angel into eccrinology.
Pig-- Oh yeah, what was that all about?
Did he feel it quale?
Jew-- No, it gave him time to be a gaberlunzie.
Pig-- Oh, thank god I'm just a latitidinarian,
it's so much easier to sleep that way and eat
and digest. Although once a haruspex tried to
read my gallbladder and I almost let her for
science and my open mindeness.
Jew-- Yeah, well try being a Sabbatarian like me.
I can never get laid at the club.
Pig-- I didn't know you had a degree in cacogenics?
There is an uneasy pause...
Pig-- Don't you, I mean?
Jew-- No, I was in a concentration camp that semester.
A month later when the rescue boat arrives.
Captain Hitlerman-- We had reports from the
plane that there was a pig with you?
Jew-- Oh ah, yeah, ah some English boys killed
and ate him, they were island hopping, something
about the Lord of the flies? I of course am Jewish
like Woody Allen and Larry King I don't eat swine.
I'm a lover not a fighter. Don't let my face veil
fool you, I borrowed that from a Palestinian girl
a year ago that I evicted, cute huh, and keeps the
lips out of the sun which is really critical when
marooned on a deserted Island.
Captain Hitlerman-- You Jews, so inventive, get on
board mate lets get you back to your bank in
Sweden promptly. Mr. Tsve Howard Rosenbum the III.
They've missed you. We've all missed you.
Author notes
don't touch the sloth, alarm will sound
Written December 26th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Verbosity by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended June 11, 2005, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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lol. this was highly amusing.
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Yeah, that would have taken forever.
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This piece has a brilliant back-and-forth, insulting, rude and ridiculous flavour- like Derek and Clive (creators of some strangely similar pieces of drama and some brand spanking new swearwords in the 1970s) - combining some strange words with some hyper-familiar words turned on their head. The combination of the strange just 'chucked in' to a conversation and the 'normal' (ie things we all think we know but just associate with what we do) being flipped and messed with lead to an interesting read.
Unfortunately I can't give a prize ... because I had a rule for all the people just dropping by which was: 'Define the word(s) in your notes and/or give a reference to any book or website used'. Some might say it favours the lazy- but rules are rules.
Cut/paste a couple of definitions ... or even a book/website ... and some points may come your way.
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Beyond the obvious extension of the usual vocab this is a really clever piece of writing laced with both humour and great observation. This is just a great piece!
David
PS It is almost a sport in itself- I see by your retort to Already Heard you are out smiting the little poeple again!
"Making you, and your elite poetry party look like Ass-hats." Does that translate as "fuck off fool!" and I am sure there is another poem in there...somewhere
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Luciferous Logolepsy Hey man I thought the competition said Make Me Think………..not make everyone sink…………. into a depression because of limited vocabulary. Actually, I found your poem quite interesting stylistically. The social intercourse between idealistic opposites had me wondering if your Jew was actually suffering from heat exhaustion and zoanthropy ……………. As he has a fear of being buried alive and he is talking aloud to a pig I think it only reasonable to question his mental state As for your guy turning Yellow, wasn’t he already? He obviously knew his scrotal sack was not shaped like a bunch of grapes, which means that he could probably benefit from some intensive one to one counselling or psychiatric therapy, but then perhaps he would only spend the time bragging about his satanic good fortune. Shit….. some people have all the luck…. It must be their guardian angels working overtime, all on their own. Still, some angels are licensed to wander. I am glad the pig was such a liberal thinking personality, but when did it meet this lady fortuneteller, now there’s a story to be told? The pig obviously thought the Jew was suffering from paranoia, because how many people study racial deterioration these days? A well crafted if slightly zany dialogue that could easily be mistaken for gibberish. It reminded me of a script / sketch by the goons from the 1950’s. Despite all that I have said, my main point stands. Whilst it can be useful to pose conundrums, poetry serves to elucidate not confuse. As most readers will not comprehend what you have written, it defeats the purpose behind the competition. This poem did not make me think…………it made me ask myself what was the point behind the write? You obviously have talent, and whilst it was an interesting read, I still do not get exactly what it is that you were trying to convey to the wider audience.
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Very cleverly written, The conversational style reminds me of something Lord of the Flies or Catch 22 where they talk about perfectly gruesome subjects as if they were discussing the weather. Good luck in the contest.
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lol!! totally loved it!!! altho i didn't understand it... but that is good!!! very good... yep and i totally loved it and i could guess what most of the cool long words meant... great job!! thanks for entering my contest... ~+~torie~+~
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Ann Ryand should be beaten unconscious with twelve ears of corn by a midget with an eye patch
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this already heard character lists his favorite writer as Ayn Rand. and he is serious. I asked. nuff said.
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Outstanding and well-conveyed
First, the poem...bloody brilliant mate...so what if some people are too lazy to look up the words in an internet dictionary right beside them as they are reading...but that's another rant...not only hilarious on the writing but actually the conversation between the two.
Second, great comeback to 'Already Heard', there is a difference between constructive criticism and unintelligent criticism...
Edited on Mar 31, 4:29 p.m. because ''. -
Some of this I don't understand, but the rest of it… I know this sounds weird, horus8, but even though I don't know some of the words, I know what's behind them, and they really make sense to me. Like this… It means that there's something inside you that makes you look at the people around you and make yourself try to fit in. Some of this stuff isn't me, but then, a lot of it is. Look here. I think you could be anything you want to be.
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Hmm... interesting. Very well put together, old poetry or not. I must say, I think this is quite original (apologies for pointing out the obvious) and whether you actually knew what half these words meant or not, they definitely give the piece a unique quality. I liked it.
Falling -
U MUST HAVE ISSUES J/K
Edited on Dec 27, 1:54 because ''. -
http:/www.rathergood.commoon_song
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My guess is that you're not in the business of guessing, because if you were you'd probably guess that this was something I had written years ago much like yourself, and then I just pasted it and designed it in a way that rather further explores yet vaporizes exactly what I think of your poetry, and your grasp of what poetry might be. It's what I would call wasting five minutes cutting copying and pasting some of my old poetry for a grander more 'elite' purpose. Making you, and your elite poetry party look like Ass-hats.
Edited on Mar 31, 5:10 p.m. because ''. -
my guess is that you wrote this just to flaunt your vocabulary. my other guess is that you took time out of your life to look up half of these words. sorry, but i don't have such a luxury to look up all of them.
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Bloody.
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brilliant
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