I'm fading faster as today ends,
A nothingness you present with your spineless words,
Provoking in me ugly emotional response,
Ashen faces fade to black unrecognised in this new light,
Teardrops drowning the empty heart within me,
Why taunt above the falling?
Nothingness you present with your pitied words,
Bleeding black and lost in the forgotten tides,
Burning faces, drowned in a violent sea, made volatile
by my ever-ashen teardrops,
Author notes
I tried ok? Not my best but not that bad...
In a list
A contest entry
- 15/10 PIF (prompt up) by Lady Australis.
800 points, ended June 12, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of the poem? Be honest, but not too harsh :)
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Feeled with lonelyness and bitterness! Strong emotions!!
"I'm fading faster as today ends,
A nothingness you present with your spineless words"
"Teardrops drowning the empty heart within me"
"Bleeding black and lost in the forgotten tides"
Oh well I loved it all these were your most compaling lines!!
Good luck in the contest
darlintlc
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this is good hun, i like it alot,
not your best work but it is good babe,
im sure youll place in the contest,
all my love,
kitty xxx -
it was an amazeing try
goodluck in my contest -
nice pen
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This was a really good take on the prompt..
I really like the image that you created,
and your words flowed very well..
It may not be your best ( I wouldn't really know..)
But you did a really good job..
Thank you for sharing..
Best of luck..
Angel
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