Image Credit: The Weary Moon by Edward Robert Hughes
She mourns with tears in crescent form
surrounded by a starlit sky
to rise with evening and transform
for passers by.
As light has brought her shine to dark
her winsome worry sorrows long
where care has left its glistened mark
in solemn song.
Such aria upon the wind
has heightened her glow through her tears.
An incandescence to rescind
her darker fears.
With carried tune deep in her chest
beating as night moves faster on,
it changes places at her breast-
becoming dawn.
And with its lift, her set is clear
fading with heart into new blue.
A ghost moon bringing morning near
with sunrise due.
Author notes
Prompt Two: Moonlight
In a list
A contest entry
- Moonlight by crivanea.
300 points, ended October 4, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Excellent
The Moon is one of my all time favorite subjects, I love to see how people write about it, what new images and ideas I can glean... This is just wonderful
"Such aria upon the wind
has heightened her glow through her tears.
An incandescence to rescind
her darker fears." Lovely...
I think I've missed it till now, how the 4 syllable line can rhyme... I love that, it gives such a smooth transition.
I love this form in skilled hands!!
Kris
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I too love to write about the moon. One of my favorite subjects. OH I am so pleased for your comment here. This was one of my favorite sapphics.
I do adore this form. Thank you again. 
~Pamela
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lol.u should know how to make words dance!!...wow..enchanting..thnx for this lovely write..best of luck
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crivanea
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and a placement in your finalist list. I am truly honored and happy to be in such good company. Thank you so much. GREAT contest and some truly wonderful entries. ~Pamela
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This is beautifully written.
The image is Tennysonian in style with a clear hint of the sensual to it.
Difficult to write about - the Moon - you remain fresh.
"light has brought her shine to dark" is a memorable line.
With tune carried deep in her chest/beating as night moves faster on,/it changes places at her breast-
becoming dawn./And with its lift, her set is clear/fading with heart into new blue./A ghost moon bringing morning near/with sunrise due.
These lines rise to a climax then the Moon,heart duo fade.
You speak of her tune and impress with a variation of open vowel sounds, alliterative consonants.
Actually, I did put a gentle tune to it as I read. It is quite appropriate then that you use "strain" in your title; "solemn song"; "aria upon the wind"; "tune carried deep" and there is a genertal musicality to the sound of the ode.
Pamela, this is a lyric of grace and beauty.
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Ron
I am thrilled with such a beautiful review of this piece. I am truly partial to the moon in all of its phases for about a zillion reasons; always captivated by the power she weilds.
I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. I did fall in love with the form. ~Pamela
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This contest is not exactly proving easy to judge!!!
This is beautiful, and (as anyone reading my poetry will see) putting a 4 letter word that rhymes with June and starts with m gives you a head start...
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Jeff
Thank you for such kind words. This really is an amazing form. ~Pamela
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I am so pleased you like it, I introduced it to Sue a few months ago and she loves it, and writes it brilliantly. I find it pulls me through a poem, it is an excellent form to write when you feel blocked, and thank you for your wonderful entries.
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And this ...
is perfect too. (But I prefer the other one.)
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ecrivain01
Thank you so much. Yes, this was my second attempt at Sapphic Ode. The other one, my third. So, perhaps improvement?
I fell in love with the form. So much can be done with it to evoke emotion.
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. ~Pamela
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Perhaps to Pope you may be kin,
his artful blood may fill your veins.
Perhaps you stole from him, his pen,
and parchment stains
Speechless...
this form definately created for you!
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sassylilpoet
This form did create for me, I simply fell in love with it (nearly obsessed). I thank you for such kind words but think perhaps, I have much to learn yet from the works of many. I am pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you.
~Pamela
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very pleasant picture transformed from you words. This is a very interesting form. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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ckwriter69
Thank you so much. I simply fell in love with this form and am so pleased you enjoyed it as well. Thank you. ~Pamela
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I feel that you captured the picture beautifully, and I do mean beautifully. I love the second stanza especially. alliteration is also a strong point of this poem. It ties it up into a flowing stream of lovely words.
Wonderfully written. ~ Joyce
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Joyce
Thank you. I am pleased you enjoyed this piece. I have always loved this painting and it seemed just right for this form. Thank you so much. ~Pamela
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I have now read both your recent Sapphic posts and this humble poet is held in awe by both of them. You have made it look so easy to pen this form. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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Amera
Thank you so much. I truly fell in love with the form and have become a bit obsessed.
I am so pleased for your comment. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Extremely lovely..as always..the third stanza is my favorite..but all are amazing..
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NeonRose
Thank you so much for your kind and most generous words. I appreciate them very much. ~Pamela
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Nicely shared!
I was curious to see this form done, being unfamiliar with it, so I chose yours to read knowing that you are capable of good work. Well done! joy
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Joy
Thank you so much. I do hope you will join in. It is a great form, new to me, but I simply fell in love with it! Thank you so much for your kind words. Truly truly appreciated. ~Pamela
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Excellent
A truly gifted creation. so full of the skillful and expressive words that make your poems so masterful. Best of luck in the contest
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penman
Thank you so much for stopping by to read and for leaving your impressions. I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. Thank you again. Always a pleasure to receive your comments. ~Pamela
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