In my real life
the words are kept inside
I never let them out
just run with them and hide
I hide them in my poems
on paper I do write
To get them out of me
so I don't start a fight
Sad, angry or fun might come
I express them...I have that knack
The words come out so easily
never holding them back
I honor you in this way
so you will never know
And we don't have to be
somewhere that I won't go
Everyday I write the words
that I can not say to you
I keep them in my poems
so you don't have a clue
A contest entry
- Feeling a moment by thorlorn thanatos.
450 points, ended June 9, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do You Write Serious Poetry or the Kind that Rhymes? (Contest) by Peripatetic.
1400 points, ended July 29, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by crystallynnbradford.
300 points, ended July 30, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CELEBRATING POETRY AND POETS- ONE-DAY competition, "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY by Vera Rich.
6000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 127 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is a wonderful poem i love the clarity of your work, it makes for a really satisfying read
thanks
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Thanks much littlefishone! You always make me feel so good about my poems with your wonderful comments
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Great job on this poem and the rhyming is wonderful. This is something that most writers especially will be able to relate to in some way. A very enjoyable read and congratulations on the well deserved trophy. Blessings, Patty
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Thanks! I believe we hide alittle truth in all our poems...or atleast I do!
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Thank you for entering my "Celebrating poetry and poets" competition. I am running a little late with the judging - owing to computer problems, but hope to make the final judging on Monday. So please be patient!
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The first verse is an excellent beginning, an intriguing invitation to discover what is hidden and perhaps why. It has good flow and rhyme.
The rhyme scheme is maintained well enough throughout the poem, but the meter is lost after the first verse, and I could not find it.
The last stanza is a good climax, but I still have difficulty with the irregular meter which detracts from its impact.
The theme and import of this poem are compelling to all who write what we dare not say. It could use some revision to allow its message to flow more easily from your mind to the reader's (or at least to this reader's).
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Thanks so much for your comment. I'm not sure I understand about the meter in my poem...I'm not too educated in how to write a poem. I just write what I feel and hope that the reader gets something from it! lol
Thanks again!
darlintlc -
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Meter is just the rhythm that a reader picks up from reading the poem. There are some technical things as far as syllable counts per line and stressed vs. unstressed syllables that when applied make it easy for a reader to get into the flow of your thoughts.
I got something from your poem, so I guess your hope is fulfilled! Don't sweat the details of meter and flow unless it becomes important to you as your interest in poetry grows.
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Nice, had all your real emotions in words wrapped away where nobody can touch them =P
Nice image =)
Good luck in the contest!
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I love this it's fantastic. I loved the ideas you put across as I think most poets hide behind their work Great choice and good luck in the contest and thanks for your comments on Burnt Out
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Thanks for your comment on "I Hide Them In A Poem" I also believe it's something just about all poets can relate to.
Thanks for the good luck wishes!!
darlintlc
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Great poem, I do this too, sometimes not as much as I should and sometimes more than I should. Good luck in the contest and thank you for commenting on my poem.
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Thanks for your comment on "I Hide Them In A Poem" yes I do this alot..but NOT always!! lol
Thanks for the good luck wishes
darlintlc
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The safety of obscurity is what sets us free. We can express ourselves without really being seen. Very thought provoking and good!
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Thanks for the kind words..yes it is easier for most of us to express ourselves if hiding behind the unseen!
Have a wonderful day!!
darlintlc
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I had a problem with one of your stanzas, so I'm going to let you in on a little trick I do to make my rhyming sound less forced.
This was the stanza:
"The words come out so easily
no holding them back
Sad, angry or fun might come
I express them...I have that knack"
Remember that when rhyming, it's only the second word that will ever look forced. You could almost say anything for the first word, and since you introduced it, it'll never be questioned. So, your words are "back" and "knack."
Knack was the word that sounded forced to me.... like you didn't know what else to rhyme back with, so you went for a stretch.
Since the first word is fine, and it's the second word that sounds forced, why not flip the lines? Doing that will make the focus on the line about "back," which is much stronger... so readers won't think it sounds forced. Here's what I would do:
"Sad, angry or fun might come
I express them...I have that knack
The words come out so easily
while never holding them back"
By switching the lines, you put the weaker line first, thus ending with the stronger one. Ending with the stronger line will make it sound less forced, since it'll look like you had that planned all along.
Sorry for that long rant... this poem is already wonderful... I just wanted to help make it even better. You don't have to change anything, I'm just offering a little tip.
Great write! -
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Thanks for commenting on "I Hide Them In A Poem" and thanks for the great advice! never thought of switching the line's around like that and it really does work alot better that way!! Who says the young have nothing to teach!!
Very grateful
darlintlc
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I think we all do this a bit,excellent poem. My words don't always make it to the page sometimes they spew out of my mouth before i can stop them Well done
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Yeah...so do mine!!
Thanks for the comment!!
darlintlc
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thats exactly what i do...! what great write here and so very true... thank you for sharing and gooood luck in contest.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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