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Bulimia Relapse

Their tasty smells tantalize me from the shelves.
Can I have just one little bite?
My body shakes; my mind goes numb.
Can I if I throw up after I'm done?

One hour later I'm on the floor.
Before the toilet, just like before.
The waters running; I've closed the door.
It's so much easier when I am alone.

My fingers find their old home,
in the back of my bitter throat.
Convulsions and gagging lead me to see,
the part of me that I thought was history.

Time passes and the storm has calmed.
But I feel dizzy and my mind is lost.
I step on the scale in hopes of achievement;
my purging didn't even make a dent.

I look in the mirror and see red spots;
my skin can only take so much.
My throat still burns; my body is weak.
Why has this happened to me?

The tears start coming and I want time to turn back
to before I ate that tantalizing snack.
I wish I had the strength to say no.
I hate feeling this low.



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Comments

  • headed-for-the-stars
    September 1, 2008
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    bulimia's an absolute bitch. at least with ana you're in control......usually.


  • HaleyMary
    May 29, 2008

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    This poem expresses powerful emotion. Reminds me of when I was going through my anorexia days, while it wasn't really chronic, I did drop a significant amount that was enough to make it look like a major difference. The last line was especially powerful. It's almost metaphorical, not only the low weight on a scale, but like a low self esteem issue or just feeling down about themselves in life. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.


  • sunslave
    May 28, 2008
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    this poem is very good. It has real emotion.