For daviscth

It's been almost 16 months since we lost Lewis and I wanted to share with you some of the things we have done in his memory and to celebrate special days. We lost him on February 11th 2007.

On Valentines Day February 14th just days after losing him, my fiance bought me a beautiful silver locket necklace. It is in the shape of a heart and you can open it and put pictures inside. On the one side I have a picture of Lewis, on the other a picture of myself and his Daddy. When it is closed, they touch, inside a heart, worn by me all the time, close to my heart.

Over those next few months as we grieved, we collected many things that we never wanted to throw away. We had many cards sent to us from family and friends, some with beautiful pieces of writing on the inside. We had his blanket that we held him in. We had photograph's and his outfit he wore in hospital. We had scan pictures and newspaper cutting's from when we made the sad announcement he was gone. So, after months of grieving and collecting these items, on October 28th (my birthday) we went out and bought a special baby memory box. We spent hours filling it with all these items we had for Lewis. And this is something I am so thankful I have. As time goes on I add to it. When I see something special that I want him to have, I buy it and put it in there with all his other things.

The 1st Christmas was so hard, but we tried to make it more bearable by including him in the day as best we could. We had a special wooden plaque made with a poem engraved in it for him which I proudly hang on my wall. We spent all of Christmas morning decorating his stone at the cemetry with angels. His grandmother bought a little miniature christmas tree with decorations and tiny fairy lights to stand next to his stone. I wrote him a letter, from the heart, and left it sealed up there. We bought him his 1st Christmas present and put it in his memory box. We had special baubles made with Lewis written on them and bought 3 of them - one for our tree, and one to go on each of his grandparents. It was a really difficult day for us as we spent the afternoon with my fiance's sister and her children and yes watching their little faces open all their presents was heartbreaking. You couldn't help but wonder how Lewis would look now, what toys he would want. If he would be trying to walk or talk by now. One of the most touching, yet also so sad, things happened on Christmas Day. My 5 year old niece wrote a letter for her 'baby cousin' and gave it to us, all about how she wanted him to be having a lovely day in Heaven and she hoped in Heaven they had yummy Christmas dinners and lots of toys. But if they didnt, he could come down anytime he wanted and play toys with her. It made me cry. Bless her.

On his 1st birthday/anniversary in February we wrote a short poem for the local newspaper in memorial and this went into his memory box. We had cake and candles and sang happy birthday for him. We cried a lot and held each other a lot more. We went to a beautiful florist and instead of the normal pre-bunched flowers that we took to his stone, we chose individual beautiful flowers and made our own bunch. We got a huge "Happy 1st Birthday" helium balloon and wrote happy birthday messages on it which we attached to the balloon ribbon. After decorating his stone with flowers and little ornaments and statue's we both held each other close and released the balloon up to him in Heaven. We stood there watching it float up through the sky, disappearing into the clouds, happy in the knowledge he would catch it in Heaven.

After we left the cemetry we took a picnic to the beach. We spent the day talking all about Lewis, about our hopes and dreams and our memories. After our picnic we went and collected the prettiest stones we could find and used them to spell out his name in the sand. We sat and held each other and cried until the tide was almost far enough in to wash the stones away. We took photographs for his special box back home, and put them inside along with the special 1 candle from his cake.

Every day is hard, but those with special memories or celebratory days are even harder. Everyone has their own ways of feeling close to their child. For me, it is keeping his memory alive and never letting it fade. Visiting the cemetry as much as I can, keeping his stone looking polished and beautiful. Filling his memory box with everything I would want him to have if he were still here. Filling it with memories to look back over one day. My necklace has become very special to me, I love the feeling of having him and us inside the locket and with me all the time. I never take it off. And for every event you do something special, take a photograph for the memory box. These events so sad and painful at the time may one day bring comfort.

This year I have designed a small tattoo of angel wings which I intend to have done soon. For the future who knows what I will do, I am becoming involved with fundraising to raise awareness which helps me on a personal level as I speak to more people who have experienced the loss of a baby.

Sorry I couldn't find the poetry to express these words in. I hope you may find some inspiration in my idea's to make future celebrations easier for yourself and your loved ones. My motto is: keep the memories alive, always and forever.