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Hunger

 

 

I've been busy making
a place for you;
rearranging this and that,
toss this one, create
more room for you,
                            in me

Soon, as you sleep peacefully
- because I am beside you -
fascination will keep me
awake, exploring the
place you made for me.

Staying up late, rummaging
quietly through your
memories, like old photos.
Fingering them tentatively,
sharing, absorbing, to
carefully put back in place.

Laughing out loud at the
unmistakable 'you-ness'
threaded intricately
throughout everything.

Passing quickly over
those ones with
other women - unless
they've hurt you...

then my lips move
softly over raw
flesh, soothing.

 

Fresh tears falling

on your old - mixing,
finding solace in company.

 

 

Craving to see more,
fights against want
to savour
                  slowly

 

 

Insatiable hunger
moving ever through me,
desire -

                to know you.




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1 - 18 of 18

  • Tiffany Amato
    July 14

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    Felt

    Woah! The voice of this poem shares the ultimate connection with another soul...a unity, a oneness. "...create more room for you, in me" Felt this one.
    Keep Feelin' Fascination,
    ~Tiffany~


  • Valley Girl silver member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Another fantastic write! I can relate to this one. Very personal and touching. One of my new favs of yours hun! ♥


  • apples fell gold member
    June 20

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    Now see here I think the "..." work perfectly fine, where you have decided to place them. The punctuation is also strong in general and adds pauses right where they should be. Watch those "ing" words. (especially in the fourth stanza) Blah. Blah. I repeat myself, but still. Got to mention it if I feel it is important to do so. To at least bring to your attention. I really felt like your strongest parts were the beginning stanza's and then as the poem progressed, it did feel to get a little weaker. I don't think it is you though, well maybe, but I think it is the format. It starts to break into fewer lines and I think the intensity could have been carried easier with stanza's similar all the way through. Just a thought.

    I do love this. No surprise.

    ;


    • Lucy. gold member
      June 20

      Edit | Reply
      Well, well, so it does (break into smaller stanzas). You know, I never noticed that! I did, however, notice my excessive use of gerunds on this one and chose to leave it like that, because this one was a 'let it spill on the page and leave it because it means something personally' type write.
      Thanks for your fabulous comments!

      • apples fell gold member
        June 20
        Edit | Reply

        I have done many of the same things in my writes. I edit a lot of poetry off the site that is never posted here and sometimes my format will start big, then slowly progress to shorter stanza's. I think it's because as we keep writing, our expressions start to explain themselves less? Or more maybe...Either way it is nice to be able to catch it before it gets out of control. Though losing control is alright as well.

        You are welcome.

  • Razor-Blade Romance
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Wow, what a moving and deep piece. I love the use of emotion and word usage.
    A very sophisticated piece. Very mature and happy.

  • NurseChilly gold member
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    yes, you have been busy... and it's all so beautiful and moving... and more moving in all directions that can only be for the better...

    growth seen here..

    many thanks for entering this contest luv, and good luck too.. a strong contender here
    G.x


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Just came back to this which I still love...
    and noticed that ... it is also so much to do with what we've spoken about, just exactly what you've expressed but taken to ever wider widths to include...

    Preparation of a place in which to be and come to know your own true self more fully.

    Sol X


  • rhondasail
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    Fresh tears falling on your old-mixing,finding solace in company...Wordless understanding of such quiet and all-encompassing love...I cannot comment any clearer...my vision is blurred...thank you for writing this in words to be read...and experienced ...Peace, Rhonda


  • background music
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is different from your usual style but still has that 'you-ness' to it like how you describe in this... it's funny isn't it how we express ourself through written words (as opposed to speaking) and all of us unique in our own ways of writing... but now I'm getting off topic LOL... I like this style from you! A perfect example of narative free-verse... I really enjoyed the poem, smooth enjabment, and well placed line breaks made the piece easy on the eyes, interesting too how certain lines were indented but I like poems with a shape to them ... and can realate in some ways, or at least empathise with the feelings you have portrayed... Good luck in the contest!


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    May 28
    Edit | Reply

    Speechless- but then left with an 'eye'

    I just left a sincere comment for Gilly but it was born of the 'eye' I found here with this and is equally valid through this 'eye' everywhere...

    for me... Especially here!
    and this is it :

    Surely what it's all about;
    Love and knowledge walk hand in hand. How can anything be loved without being known? Real knowledge lives in us, becoming what we are, lover and beloved meet and in love all is made one.

    All is an expression of this essential love affair. Some expressions are thinner cloaked like this one here.

    Again... the extraordinary to be seen and made real in the ordinary, right in the heart of it. We are given real places inside ourselves to write from.

    Heart makingly-breakingly real!

    love
    Sol X



    ...

    .........I'm left stunned

  • KayJay gold member
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully sensual and personal... The images recall times when I still believed...and the warmth of those memories add layers to your beautifully penned words.
    Simply lovely...
    Ken


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    May 28
    Edit | Reply

    Love

    I love every line.

    Love; writing poetry, painting, gardening, cooking, parenting... doesn't matter if it's in love, it grows us. I believe it kills ones limitations to invite new life and bring secrets out to the surface. It takes on many forms in each of us and expresses itself in equally different ways.

    In your poetry is seen a rapid opening from egg to hawk and you are flying ever higher. Sometimes we may miss a wing beat but with height, God willing, we can recover gracefully with ease.

    Such fluent expression, keep circling and celebrating, it's wonderful to see and share.

    love,
    Sol X


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic poem!! Really shows a longing for a deep connection with someone... beautifull done!!

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