Never forget what’s left behind.
Leave this place,
And touch the sky.
Leave you innonce, and lies behind.
Promise this, to touch the skiy.
This promise means the world to me.
And I just just hope that you will see.
When you leave the land behind,
In this land of false and true.
lay my hopes and dreams for you.
i dream that one day you shall fly,
and leave this land of truth and lies.
to see is to belive,
but what is left, when you leave me?
you won't look at things with wonder,
and life just seems too much a blunder.
for you to go after this,
that can be my only wish.
with your wishes,
are my hopes.
not done.
Comments
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Spelling and grammar is a shocker.
"i dream that one day you shall fly,
and leave this land of truth and lies." Although it's border lining cliche in my opinion, I still really like these lines. The rhyme here and overall tends to be a bit simple however sometimes this works.
"but what is left, when you leave me?" Comes across a little bigheaded and not sure if that's the purpose?
It does need to continue on from here, it ends rather bluntly. I figure that's what you mean by "not done" so so far this is good. The rhythm is good too.
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mhmm. :)
hahah okays so theres another poem floating around here called dreams of flight..i wanted to write a response..sorry about sp and gammar..i was just typing random stuff.
slapped it all together to save it and haven't restitched it yet.
i'll let you know when i do though.
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this was beaautiful! need i say more? I love this so much... a very simple write that kept me captivated and left me craving for me! i like the structure of this poem... its spaced out and all, very well done! >.<
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