Raw, you wanted raw
I'll give you raw
Have this to toast
your nightmares,
your schemes!
You thought me
such a fool,
quite naive,
You laughed,
"She dreams!"
When I believed.
Now, deceived,
I'll give you
what you asked for,
A cocktail, I hope
you choke on.
Raw, you wanted raw!
Have this,
My heart on ice.
A little blood,
Flash-frozen heart.
That was your plan,
But now who screams?
Author notes
Option 9 the picture
The Library Group *VOTE*
A contest entry
- Emotions Crying Out {Options} by newnoakua.
550 points, ended June 16, 2008, 92 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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WOW!!! I felt like you were screaming this at me!! I actually became a little anxiety ridden while I was reading!! Fantastic take on that picture and that is so awesome that you placed in a contest this huge!!! w00t!!! Congrats!!! It was totally deserved!!!
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Brilliant!!!
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How intense is this? A raw piece of poetry to say the least. This captured me in the way that many pain filled, angst ridden poems do not because this looks out at the perpetrator rather than inward to the abused. A notable poem.
Just wish I hadn't peeped at the prompt pic it turned my stomach! -
Very intense emotion. I could feel it building and building until the end. Great use of internal rhyme too.
I love the beginning line...such intensity setting the tone for the poem.
Thank you for sharing
Becky
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wow you can feel the anger of such strong emotions flowing through your words good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing your poem with the group
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I can feel the intensity and anger screaming off the page! Wow! That is a seriously strong emotion. Good luck in the contest!
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raw with emotion and anger. maybe even hatred ... but anger for sure.
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this is amazing
great take on the prompt :] -
Wow, that's very intense. I love angry poems, they are really energizing and...well...raw
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This does a good job of describing the point of view of someone who has been deceived in love. Serving heart in a martini glass is an interesting image and you capture a feeling of rage extremely well. Excellent job!
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Wow, I was really hoping someone would chose this, and I'm glad you did. That was amazing, you described the picture perfectly!
"That was your plan,
But now who screams?"
What a way to end the poem... just brilliant!
Great Job and Good luck in the Contest! -
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Thank you so much for the HM. This write really challenged me, not my usual style at all, so I am quite glad it made the cut. Thanks again.
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You totally deserved it! This is a great piece of poetry!
Thanks for entering!
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Read first - pic second, and how they marry up is brilliant. Such an intense take on the prompt! I would hate to get on your wrong side....
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You did the pic justice! You can feel the demented anger in your words!
"Raw, you wanted raw!"
Oh how sweet revenge taste!!
"Flash-frozen heart."
"That was your plan,
But now who screams?"
Great ending!!
Best of luck in the contest!
darlintlc
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