Once my mother left me at someone else's home
I counted the flash of headlights,
everynight for two weeks against the window.
A five year old's shadow stretches on regardless
of a lit influence, or a specialised orangery
Let's not pull punches here, steal my good-night-kiss.
When my thongs floated down that river to a
saltier openess. I was afraid to tell her later;
I landed in a crate of bottles playing ping-pong.
Shoeless, the puddles of red kept me sliding
As the table became covered with cane-spiders,
and the hammock swung empty to our yard's widening.
What would all of the late-night prospectors say?
About that naked silhouette head patting my fever.
Not a single word mind you, they don't ever pray.
They want to pocket away your innocence
Sell it back, so gracious meteor streak wish quick
Shooting stars are for dreamers, and the observant.
My dreams are a pair of brown and tan thongs
cork floating the mighty Pacific Ocean
Rest stops for the occasional migrating Sea-bird.
I am no longer waiting, and I prefer a good boot
Any day, to a pair of bobbing boy's slippers
Because, those who wait for change, never do.
Author notes
Written December 25th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Influence Me by Nie.
300 points, ended October 11, 2005, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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The wording in this is superb. The imagery is beautiful and thought provoking. I very much enjoyed your style of writing. The looking back feeling was beautifully crafted. A worthy entry and a great read.
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Dug your poem. The strongest were
your last two stanzas. Particularly
the last two lines in both of them.
Take care -
Talented writing
WOW this line "Shooting stars are for dreamers, and the observant." and last line are SUPERB! I was in a foster home when five for three months: my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
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This was a very well written piece, it gave insight into you, and also told the story of how you became you, the things that have influenced you. Thank you very much for your entry. Best wishes K
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This peice is very intricate and so full of emotion, it was a wonderful read and I enjoyed in so much.
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Di you NEVER stop in ceasing of amazement hun this write is just absolutely wonderful and a delight to read but more to the point even without the accompanying picture the vividness of this write is just superb
-Rae -
I loved this write, very deep, with fantastic imagery. It made me think and churn the words around in my head, which is a refreshing change from most poems. Anyway, great write and interesting artwork.
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An intricate piece of excellent writing! It made me stop and really think of life and all its mysteries.Great imagery and a lovely choice of words.Well done!
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The poem is as bold as the art- confusing at times, but perfect!
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the artwork is strong, with a good use of metallic primaries, that gives it a beach/oasis/desert-at-night look. But the poem! That ending is magnificent, particularly the 2nd to last stanza. My dreams are a pair of brown and tan thongs. HOly shit, that is beautiful.
Curious why it is broken into tercets, perhaps some form with which I am unfamiliar.
One of my favorites from you, and that is saying something.
Edited on Jul 06, 6:23 because ''. -
nice
nice poem...i really liked the words you used, and how everything went together...nice job and keep up the good work....also good luck in my contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
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Actually, 2,3, and 5, but mostly
3, thanks. -
This is a really great piece. I loved reading it...but could you tell me the Topic you chose.
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Jeremi,
I wish that I had that selfish bone in my body, it is hard for me to hurt someone knowingly. That is probably why I always get screwed.
Thank you for your words, I know they are true, now I just need to learn to apply them.
*hugs*
Criss -
My mother pulled the same shit on me.
You simply forgive these people, yet
keep them at a distance, because they're draining.
There's nothing wrong with not being able to
have a relationship with certain people, don't feel guilty
simply say, "dad, I forgive you, but now is not the right time,
take a fucking hike, the shoes on the other foot wear it".
And when the time is right for you to open up that wound, you will, but not a second sooner. I kicked my mom out just last year for the same reason, sometimes you have to amputate, after all that's what he did to survive when he was your age, so fuck him, be selfish, you deserve some me time. -
No. I'm just frustrated. I have recently came across my father, who has decided after 15 years, he wants to, "get to know me". I have spent so many nights, crying myself to sleep as a child, wanting him to be there, scared that he'd be gone forever, and now, as an adult, I am having trouble releasing the anger I feel towards him for the way he treated me when I was little, and for turning his back on me. I dont know how I am supposed to forgive him when he never gave a damn about me. When my mom was struggling just to put food on the table, he was starting a new family. He physically and emotionally abused me when I was little, for some reason, I was the one he disliked and I got all the beatings and all the screaming..... I was the one who knelt on the rug that was overturned and covered with rice, I had the bruises and the marks, and no one ever took notice, he has three new children, who he has treated well and actually been a father to. He has sent my brother and sister birthday cards, christmas cards, I love you's, yet, he has never taken the time to address one to me. I have found myself at the point of tears many times over the past few months, fighting with myself and not knowing what direction to turn in, afraid to give in to him, because I dont think I could live through losing him again. I feel like I am five years old again, sitting at the window, as his now wife, helped him carry out his bags, he kissed my sister and hugged my brother, and left without one word to me, he got into that car, and that is the last time I ever saw him. He has some nerve to approach me now, life he has some right to me, how dare he?
My family is falling apart before my eyes and I feel useless, there is nothing I can do to help re direct my brother, he refuses to see, that he is not only hurting himself, but those who love him too, and his choices affect us all, not just him. I have seen my mom going through some tough things, and I want to just take her pain away, she went through so much, raising by herself and she doesnt deserve these tears at all.
Emily would have been two years old in August. I am still heartbroken over her, the hole in my heart gets bigger and bigger as the days pass, I would give anything to hug her just one last time, to hold her. I should have been able to keep her safe, but I failed her in that respect and I hate myself for it. I would have taken her place in a heartbeat, but was not given that chance, I just feel so crushed... angry... how do I pick myself up and continue to live without her...
and then there are other things...There is just so much weight hovering over my heart and I just dont feel like I can pull myself through....... -
So you're saying that you're having to start all over, because,
of job change, relationship change, and physically moving? -
My family, My Daughter, Work, it just seems that everything goes wrong at the same times, and just when I find the strength, to pull myself off the ground, something else pushes me down, and I have to start all over.
I am not really sure if I possess the strength.... -
Where's the pressure coming from? What's the source?
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So... How much do *I* owe you?
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Sometimes, I just dont feel strong enough to push through the barriers that are holding me in the hard grasps of pain, hurt or anger.
Thank you Sweetheart ~soft smile~ you are truly a blessing.
With love, Criss -
That strength was, and is, always inside of you Criss.
You are a fighter, a survivor, but most of all; an absolutely
wonderfull young lady. You just needed someone to coax
those qualities back out of you, and I'll do that for you whenever
you need me to, because I'm your friend. If you are ever having
a hard time, and don't know what decision to make about something
critical, call me (323) 572-0191, or just ask me to call you, and I will.
I know what you're going through Criss, I've come right out of Hell,
on many an occasion, you must hold course and batten down the
hatches, but don't give up. You'll find 90% of what's troubling you
is all illusion anyway, so buck up chipmunk.
Love,
Horus8
Edited on Sep 30, 5:20 p.m. because ''. -
You've been very kind to me in times of hardship within the last year. I can almost say with an absolute certainty that the poem you wrote for Emily, changed me in a way that I am not sure I could explain in words. I may feel closer to you than you to me, but you touched a very personal part of my life, and I cant thank you enough for your kind words, your encouragement....
If I havent said it before, I must say it now, thank you!
Love to you, Criss -
Really, for what, if I may ask?
Yoo sound like an absolutely charming young lady. -
Absolutly nothing. I am the one who owes you.
Love, Criss -
Wow, thanks, how much do I owe you?
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I can see myself in these words. Sitting by the window, waiting for my dad to come home, or sitting outside in the hot summer sun, while my aunt sat inside the air conditioned house, doing God knows what, with the doors locked, coming out only to tell us to quiet down.
My childhood was one that is full of pain and horror, but I too...
I am no longer waiting, and I prefer a good boot.
Any day, to a pair of bobbing boy's slippers.
Because, those who wait for change, never do.
You write very well... you have overcome (to a certain extent) the boy that you once were, to become the amazing man that you are today. -
Thank you for entering the contest, good luck GOD BLESS YOU AND TAKE CARE LAURA
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I was unsure of where this poem was going, but it ended on a great note. If you want something to change you must do it yourself and procrastination will get you nowhere. I do hope this is the message you were trying to portray as it is the message I got out of it. I think it was well written and I love the picture with it. Thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest!
Crystal -
I always have said I hate change. Maybe I should go and look for those shoes I have lost and see if I can see the changes in my life. I don't see how the poem fits the picture I think the picture fits the poems very well written good luck to you and GOD BLESS
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from reading others comments, i can see that this kinda has something to do with you. It is amazing how you thought of this from the picture.
Thanks for entering and best of luck to you
Tammy
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Brilliant imagery, brilliant picture and if I had to use one word to describe this is would be, haunting. Good luck in the contest.
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exquisite
Amazing write...but my heart just breaks for that hurt little boy left waiting at the window. I want to gather him in and keep him safe from that pain and loss. I read a bit of your story on your author's page, and you've had a truly amazing life. It is awe inspiring to me to witness the unfolding of a butterfly from a coccoon that has been battered and burned so badly....I'd expect nothing to survive - or, if something did survive, that it would have been made monstrous and deformed of soul by the ordeals. I have seen this miraculous trick before...but it never ceases to amaze me. And, to top it off...you're a very talented poet. There are absolute gems of imagery in this piece. Thanks so much for sharing this awesome poem...I have no idea why you didn't win.
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Excellent
Horus8...Congratulations on the win!!!! Very well-written and constructed poem. Though dark in nature, the imagery was unforgettable. I am so happy to see your work recognized and duly awarded. Once again, Congratulations **Ivy Rose -
Yeah wow, I was stoked to pull the silver, it was a great contest and well put together.
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hey,congrats on your win. i really like this,you deserved it!
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Cool... I found it in there, your heart, that is, you know, the contest and all... this is very revealing, and brave. Love the pic.
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I won't pretend to understand all of this...but I know from your author's page that your mother left you alone for long periods of time when you were a child. I especially liked the last two stanzas (because I understood them). Good Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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