Goodbye Emma....(1 of many)

Emma,
So you're dead. That's what I've heard. Maybe you didn't think your death would affect anoyone or maybe you did and just didn't care. Well it did. It affected people on the other side of the planet. I know your grandparents loved the shit out of you. I also know life was hard. Really hard. It seemed like it would be impossible to ever be happy again probably. It was possible. All you needed to do, not to undermind it, was to work throught your parents deaths...that btw were not your fault. So you have pretty much hurt me. Really bad. What would you have thought if I had killed myself? It hurts huh? You hurt me . YOur grandparents would not have wished this ending upon you. Nobody did.

Emma,
I know you are out of your pain now. You can't feel anything. Not joy, not saddness, anger, love, or anything else because you are D-E-A-D. i am sitting here in class, once again thinking about you. Thinking of how that you are dead, how you probably don't want to be. But hey, what do i know? I mean i only od'ed on the same thing you killed yourself with, but i survived. I hope your sicide not was good at least, or you did people the decency of writing one. You said you were babysitting one night. I bet the kids cared and miss you. What did their parents tell them?
By killing yourself, you killed a part of me. A part i really need. That part is hope. I was using you as a success story. You got through your pain enough to show your scars and pay basketball. Me... I got warm and took my jacket off. I would never play sports in my suit of scars. You know I felt your pian. I knwo what it feels like to think dying is the only way to feel happy, or just not to feel pain. To feel like dying is the only way to survive. Well, it wasn't.

Emma,
You are my friend, dead or not. You are my pal. I will still talk to you even if you odn't talk back. I hat you for killing yourself, but i hate other friends for hurting themselves even though i am a total hypocrite in saying that. I still do love you though. I will survive without you, but not as happy. Maybe I will kill myself and join you in death, or wherever suicides go. I am going away now temporarily, even though you left me permanently. Talk to you later.