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I Ache, I Bleed, I Cry

My eyes are swollen and red
You said you loved me
Then you said you had to leave me
Oh how my heart wishes I were dead

I ache, I bleed, I cry

Your words never will i forget
They thunder, thunder, thunder in my head
A sinister song of a broken clarinet
Already I am dead

I ache, I bleed, I cry

Tears rain down upon my cheeks
To my hands, falling to my feet
Broken is my heart
Torn out by your hands

I ache, I bleed, I cry

You say I should not be sad
But I say you have no say
You said goodbye on this dark day
My heart is allowed its tears shead

I ache, I bleed, I cry

On the morrow darkend with my sorrow
I will not be weak
But today on this awful day
I ache, I bleed, I cry
No sleep will I get tonight

I ache, I bleed, I cry...

                                   Tonight I slowly die.

A contest entry

just tell me what your honestly think

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • God is my reality
    August 4, 2008

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    The rhyme scheme is a little inconsistent, and it doesn't have a naturally smooth flow. I can feel your emotion, and I wish you the best in the contest


  • His-Dreamer
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    I love how it starts out sad and teary. It flows wonderfully. I especially love the lines "You say I should not be sad But I say you have no say" I completely understand that emotion and feeling of "screw you I have a right to feel". Great write. Loved it


  • XxemohatexX
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    realy

    that is exelent its realy good it tuched me in a sad way i like it so keep it up and you have a good chance to get silver and mabe even gold but i cant promice anything i still have alot to grade so keep up the exelent wrighting


  • Sweet Chaotic Me
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really deep, and I love the last stanza, it's so sad, but bursting with emotion. Nice write, and goodluck in the contest.

    xox


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is so sad...
    I hope this isn't true and if it is. I hope you do well in this contest becasuse this is a very good poem.

    I think the last stanza was very powerful;

    "On the morrow darkend with my sorrow
    I will not be weak
    But today on this awful day
    I ache, I bleed, I cry
    No sleep will I get tonight

    I ache, I bleed, I cry...

    Tonight I slowly die."

    Hmmm... yeah.
    Good luck

    Claire xx


  • LadyLuff
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great poem it is very deep but i like it alot!


  • DaughterofGrace16
    May 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It is really sad end touching. Good job.

1 - 7 of 7