Remembering our "new love"

Do you remember our first affection,
Before, "I love you," entered the equation,
What it was like to be a part,
When waking up was always a joyous occassion?

My whole life I'd been waiting,
For the one I knew was right,
I dreamt he'd be my first, my last,
With whom, it'd be, "love," not, "sex," tonight.

My interpretation is that one has not stained,
Until they've crossed multiple partners thereof,
And used "making love" for selfish indulgence,
I didn't feel guilty for not waiting, I felt in love.

Do you remember how our "new love" felt?
I'd count the hours till you were out of class,
Go to the library just to see you across the room,
We'd kiss at the door, and go smack some ass,

A "new love," the ability to stare
Into each others eyes for a time without measure,
Not a doubt in the other's eyes. Are they really that in love,
Or are they looking to find the other's buried tresure?

We planned a little something to do together everynight,
Which were easy to plan since everything was our first,
A day a part was one I didn't see you in the morning and at night,
Inventing new ways to release a heart of affection about to burst.

In college, although we had less hours available in the day,
It was okay, as these were hours we could spend together,
And although we were under pressure and stress,
There were times of reward when we could relax like two feathers.

Our dreams and degrees were all we had to go on,
So much hope, and vision: Enterprenueship, Masters...
Endless belief in what the other would make of themselves,
Confident support as we pursued similar goals.

If we'd met as Freshman or Sophomores, even new grads,
The feelings and attraction might not have errupted hardcore,
Senior years are when student's feel in charge of their degrees,
And their lives, when they are in a way easiest to develop fond feelings for,

We met at the perfect time, and right moment,
Both single, not looking for romance,
Clearly meeting at a chance encounter,
It made we wonder if destiny and solemates really did exist.

This one meeting, this one time, each compelled to chance,
It really has to make you wonder if this was planned?
If we met to help each other at a certain time,
Or, if we met to be together, united hand in hand.

Do you remember what it was like to grow our new love?
As new love is wonderful, when everything is new and unknown,
But, I didn't understand how much better real love is,
So, as into the wishing well, our stone.

One can't describe real love, or even imagine,
Real love can withstand a storm,
When new love is like a house of cards,
When home in a blizzard, it takes the real thing to keep you warm.

While nice to get to know a person,
It takes someone who knows from you from the inside out,
To foresee how you'll react, what makes you happy,
When and how you need support, one you'd not be as good without.

Occassionally they still do, but do you remember,
When strangers and friends would say how lucky we were,
More importantly when we would say how lucky we were,
When we acknowledged the things which made us strong,

Do you remember wondering how we could have fun with anyone together?
Our happiness was so apparent, I think it rubbed off on others,
A time less stressed, when we each could give ourselves a break,
Having the time of our lives, and just because we were together.

I wish you had opened up, to envision you could be mistaken,
When you wished we could back to how, we were when we first met,
And though I tried to explain old love, I knew you missed the new,
I hope this poem makes you see, how I wouldn't trade a thing or fret, 
A chance to do it all again, for what I call my old love with you.

An instant trust right away, I couldn't believe you were so excepting,
You had known me such a short time, yet you didn't seem even surprised,
A kind reaction without words, you didn't try to say that you understood,
And only twice even close to using it later on comprised,

At just 6 months you were my longest relationship,
As "Never had I ever" dated anyone that long,
"The most wonderful man in the world,"
"The most intimant friendship I'll hope to ever know."

A fantasy 38-line "Condo Private Tour" you might remember,
But which room did we end up in for that happy ending?
It was in the living room where I made you into a banana split,
When I rubbed up against you, and you licked the cream off my tits.

The man who stood beside me on August 14, 2007,
As I stood beside my mother as she took vows to say "I do,"
You gave me the strenght to give this one more chance,
For the first time, our love gave me confidence that knew
no matter what happened if I gave this other a chance,
you'd would keep on loving me and we'd get through.

This "old love" is telling you about God's love,
My love for you, is what I call almost, unconditionally true.
And this unconditional love means loving you above all else,
myself, my home, my job, even sometimes my dreams,

Then, that love was tested by a multitude of things,
Bad knees, hospitals and doctors appointments,
We have both certainly had our bad seasons,
And although they shouldn't, they took a toll on us.

It's the memories we have made together,
Even the hard times that we can't replace,
It was making you dinner when you injured your knee,
Standing right beside you when you wore that left-brace.

It's helping them to become everything they want for themselves,
Even when that plan or even life doesn't include you (like now).
You ask me when I thought I knew this kind of love was true,
At that time I thought I'd nearly mastered this hardest part,
If I could have let you go without me,
It was wanting you to pursue your career no matter if you had leave the city or state,
It was leaving no question as that I would follow you if you did,
It was finding out that as long as I have you, I really don't need Florida or Albuquerque,

Even now this is true, except I really do have to have YOU,
You as I knew you then,
You as I know you now,
But the kind of you who will talk to me
About life changing decisions because you plan to be with me too and knows these effect both of us,
...After nearly three years they affect both of us...
And is now sorry he didn't let his thoughts flow aloud as we laid in bed,
And now appreciates how this made me feel to recognize
How hard it is for me to give up everything, to change my life completely,
Move farther from home and away from all my friends,
For this....
But it's not leaving for you which makes it hard,
That is the easy part, because of everything I've said and simply that I love you.
The hard part is that I can't help but wonder if an imbalance exist,
And worse, everytime I try to talk to you about it or ask you why this occured or if you can see it my way, you get defensive and don't tell me.
And I need to hear to why, I'll always need to hear to why.
Why you didn't talk to me along the way.
Ordinarily I wouldn't have any right to put measure on your life,
However, after being together nearly three (3) years, if a decision one of us makes affects us both then it affects both of our individuals lives. 
Like your decision to go back to school and move in a very short degree of time affects you as we won't be close anymore.
And it affects me as from that day in the car you never said what you thought would happen if I didn't move.
That bothered me, as since then it seems like if you would be trying to convince to move and save our relationship.
It bothers me that not only did you do nothing before telling me you had decided to apply,
but I can't tell you have done a lot since to try and keep our relationship, or support me as I try to move my whole life up there for you.
Just as if I had decided to return to school at a school of my choosing,
It would be hard on us both to move,
But it would harder on the one who didn't decide to go there.
You are supporting me now more than ever,
And I'm so glad, I need that, but why was it so long in coming?
Did you not believe me when I told you my plans?
Did you not want to accept that I love you that much?
Did you not want me to love you that much?

I thought maybe more distance was what we needed,
And if we are to break up, then gradually more distance is needed,
More distance brings us apart, not closer,
It makes sense how our love would be impeded.

Gazing back through poems, which I more than hope you'll do,
Caused me to remember all the good times,
A kind of love and degres of happiness unimaginable otherwise,
Things which are still there, just taken back from their prime,

In the rhymes, emails, and other written spaces I remember being astonished,
As to how we're stronger when we are together more,
It is only when we're not together as much that it's hard,
I wish I could remember every step we'd made before,

To make this happiness happen, to make our relationship work,
But I remember this, and know we need to spend time together,
Now, before you leave and it's too late,
To see if it's still possible to use that to go back to being
              an "extraordinary" pair.

Do you remember how we never faught?
A come back line regardless of intent which now would make the other mad,
Would have been received by a question mark before as we couldn't imagine the other could have meant something bad,
Going back to this would mean a lot of easing up,
I don't imagine it's possible,
But I think it's needed, and perhaps worth a quick try.





You think this question is a game I am playing
Well you told me not to play games with you ever when we first started dating,
And I think you know that since you said that I haven't.
One day talking about career stuff like you always had,
Then out of the blue, you want to go back to school.
Didn't give me all the details like how you'd spoke to your parents,
Or even been thinking about this for a long time,
This was out of the blue to me, last I'd heard your parents and I had ask you about school,
And you just said you knew that's what I wanted to do but you didn't think it was for you.
Can't you see where this for you was quit out of the blue when you didn't speak to me along the way?
Still, I think I was pretty accepting, and supportive in spite of you not giving me much detail or conversation about it.
Then, I am over at your parents and hear them talk to you about northern.
I am certain even they assumed you'd been talking with me about all this too, I mean we're together- we trust and depend on one another, why wouldn't you?

My poems talk about how you're the one I trust,
You're the one I come home too and share my ideas with, no matter how wild they seem,
And I use to be the one you shared your ideas with too,
You told me you'd never told anyone else, I was the first,
This made me feel so apart of your life, and brought such a trust forward in our relationship.
Worse this all came at a time when I feared the conversation within our relationship had been lost.
And we were I thought trying to get it back.
I was already pondering whether it was just me or those conversations where you told me about Gunther's job, the business with Matt, your book, and other things which floated through your mind during the day and were told to just me when we relaxed at the end of the day,
Were messages all gone away.
When I use to talk to you to me it was a two-way stream of information, you and I with so much to say, talking so fast, finishing the other's sentence to begin a reply,
And when we couldn't find the words to say just what we meant, it was honestly remarkable how the other could just somehow nearly guess it.



because going to a certain school or living in a warm state
isn't what makes a person truly happy, it's the people they're with.
The people they love.

You astounded me, I began seeing you a stronger man after that night,
Another step away from new love, a foot closer to the real thing,
It was team work to keep each other awake between closed hotels,
Me looking at maps to find hotels, you inventing "Plan B,"



Before that occassion, I doubt we'd ever really put our minds together,
Each of our family vacations have definitely had its moments,
But we have gotten through them by laughing, and getting back to just us,
Stepping stones of events make our love more content.



to be continued.....