I was born in the middle of her raging hurricane
sharp, stinging rain drops
dumped over both of our souls
The death of my sister
and the fists that were filled with
stale beer-breathed insults
consumed my mother's fragile skull
I saw her
In fact, I regrettably stared,
watching burnt tears scar a blackened trail
down a battered cheek
At first, I did not quite understand
Then she'd scream!
spewing thousands of dark wasps leaving her chest,
through her throat and out her mouth,
stinging the hearts of those who adored her
including me (especially me)
But I couldn’t escape her hostility
so, at times, I'd try to ignored it
writing messages in the frost of windows
and staring at blank beauty
The rest of the time
I shoved all my feeling of anger towards her
in a crooked corner of my crusted hell
and fought for her, even if it meant a hard beating
Finally, at 19
I had escaped from her grips of misery
only to wake a year later
realizing I am still being held captive
I had always loved her
and I am still fighting for her
I now know she is and always will be
my only mother
Though, we were truly allies through every battle
against every man that walked through the door
It took me till now to comprehend the fact that
She gave up on me a long time ago
Author notes
I re-wrote this poem...but the concept remains the same. I had recieved a lot of comments stating that they didn't get the poem. but I couldn't change it too much because this is my life and this is a very deep poem to me.
If you still don't understand it - - There is a lot of imagery in it that helped me pull out the dark tar stuck within my soul but the gist of it is that my mother went through a lot of pain. a lot of terrible things were going on in her life and i was born in the middle of it. she was young, in an abusive relationship, my sister died, and she wasn't talking to her mother, and she moved away from everyone. She dragged me along for the ride and most of my life (until i was 19) I helped carry that weight with her. But she treated me like I was garbage. but I always hold this love for her inside. but till this day she doesn't think i am worth anything. and she does not talk to me. I am just realizing no matter how much I try I will never make her like me; and I never did.
OH, and i would like to add that the poem starts with my birth and ends with me at 20. so when i said i watched her cry and didn't understand - thats because I was only 3 or 4 years old! Someone didn't get that last time. thought i would clear that up
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