As of this moment, my heart isn't really a functioning organ...it's just sitting there like a stable statue. It's not hard as stone, but softer than flesh...I know I just contradicted the idea, but that's how it is.
I didn't want to lose the best thing I had, but it was tearing me apart inside. I couldn't smile without thiinking he's going to leave me soon. When you're in a relationship, it should be based off a sense of comfort with that person. Well, when I got that comfort, I was so afraid of losing it.
The idea of letting him go was so profound, so...uncomfortable, that I always teared up at it...I never wanted it. But the things that he did in the process, well...made me want to go to help myself. He really didn't know how he treated me...if he did, he probably didn't see it as anything to worry about.
I know if he really loved me, he would've tried to make me stay, he would've tried to tell me that he loved me, but he didn't...he doesn't. Or he won't.
When I think about it though, I still love him very much. I love him with all my heart and I can't and won't deny it. I tried to tell myself that all today, but I really can't deny it with the best of my heart still wanting to beat for him...but it won't move...it won't beat because he's not mine. He never really was...
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