Dear Stepbystep,
The leaves are gone, the trees are cold, I walk along and all alone.
The sky is gray, it should be blue and someones still in love with you.
I felt so sick that I went home and you were there but not alone.
You cried my name, I cried some tears, I've been out here for three long years.
The sky is bleak now every day, I see through darkened shades of gray.
The shine disappeared from my sun and I just wish my life was done.
I cry for the love you gave away to a lover on our bed that day.
The image stays inside my mind, I cry about it all the time.
The christmas tree is in the park, the lights are twinkling in the dark.
The cardboard box I call my home is getting wet from melting snow.
I watch the people laugh and joke and covet their warm winter coat.
I feel so dead and all alone, I miss my family and our home.
Today I saw you with the kids from behind where I was hid.
You were laughing with someone, holding hands and having fun.
I guess I'll stay right where I am 'cause you don't seem to give a 'damn.'
I wish that I had kicked you out, I'd be with my kids in my house.
I know that I was such a fool for leaving home because of you.
I regret it every day, I miss you so, I always pray,
that somehow I can make it right, or God would take me home tonight.
I know that what I did was wrong, but at the time I felt so scourned.
I've cried a million tears since then, pondering what should have been;
Instead, I'm living on the streets, wondering when I'll get to eat.
I wonder if you even care, about me living life out here.
But Step, I can't come home to you, I just can't seem to think it through.
I see the disgust in their face if I should venture near their space.
I know they cringe from how I look, their faces are an open book.
I'm going to ask God one more prayer. I'm going to lay me down right here,
and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Love,
Me xxooxx
Author notes
I am writing to you, stepbystep, but this is fictacious.
A contest entry
- POINTS- Easy Entries by NickelleteXninja.
600 points, ended July 8, 2008, 45 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wish I Didn't Miss You Anymore by GypsyEyes.
900 points, ended March 30, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - put letters in my mailbox. ♥ by stepbystep.
700 points, ends December 13, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What do you think ?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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i liked the imagery and descriptions in your poem. cheating sucks and i feel very strongly about it! well done. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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Wow this is such a sad poem! Great flow to it and I could feel the pain, welldone! X
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this was beautiful.
i dont really like rhyming poems & didn't really start getting into this until the third to last stanza.. but it was really good.
it had a really nice flow.. almost too perfect sometimes. haha! =
thanks so much for entering & good luck! -
wow this was really good. and to be disowned by your family... that is sad... espiecially when all you have to live in is a box... i can see why this person wanted to die, this was a really not so happy ending. very good!
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I personally loved this poem
To me it was one of those you dont ever want it to stop going poems
I was fixed on everyword on my screen and placing myslef in the poem
tahnks so much for entering
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Wow, a most haunting read. So eerie because it portrays so many emotions, real ones, that people have in this world-good luck with it in your chosen contests lol
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When it rains it pours, ouchie... I am sure we all can relate to hard choices we have made or ones we have made out of pride/principle.
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Very nice. I like the form.
*Suggestion*
I would leave out nearly ALL the punctuation so that this poem can l~i~f~t off the ground and f ~~~ l ~~~y.
They have a tendancy to halt the reader.
Otherwise, very nice.
I wish you the best.
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Thanks, cookie
I can use all the help I can get, and I was wondering why so many didn't --DAH. thanks. Do most other judges feel that way about punctuation? -
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Spelling and punctuation is always important. Depends on where the punctuation is. If it reads like one 'run-on', then punctuation should be 'sparingly' used. If each line is dependant to another, it should be able to go wtihout it.
I see a few places where you might alliterate and read through where the 'thought' ends.
Misspell/oopsie - dam (should be 'damn')
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I love this
I know that you point out that your work isn't about you but this is all about you. You thoughts your hopes your dreams, your fears, you have a heart and sould and you write with each one in your hand. I loved this because I could see the story and hear you speaking these words. So sad and so real,it is wonderful and you are a very lovely person.
Terry
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Thanks for entering your piece, it's beautiful. Almost flawless in the way you captured emotions on the page!
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you have done a wonderful job capturing so many emotions in such a heartbreaking story.
it is hard to put yourself in someone elses shoes and capture the pain so well.
absolutely outstanding write.
God bless...
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