Nine dragons to face,
nine unique in their own way.
But no matter how different they are,
the outcome of our war,
will be my victory.
For the first of the nine,
I will wield my imagination,
my comprehension,
with my ability to surmise.
The second I will delve deep into
iterature, the works of Shakespeare,
Steinbeck and Anthony
and arm my body with twenty shuriken,
one for each or the twenty poems
I discovered and amassed.
The third and fourth,
I will calculate and evaluate and estimate
our vectors, bearings,
solve for unknowns.
my shield against their flames,
pi.
The fifth,
I will utilize the terrain,
the geography,
the forests, the earth,
the seas, the sky,
the mountains, the rocks,
even the cities,
For the sixth,
five years I spent
learning it’s language
just so I
can deceive it,
into thinking
I’m it’s master.
For the seventh, eighth and ninth,
the three sages of the sciences
stepped in to play
taught me their ways,
and showed me their treasures,
then all nine sages came forth,
and revealed to me
the treasures I never knew I had.
And with the treasures of the nine,
the treasures to conquer the nine
the treasures to create one from nine,
I go forth
“TO WAR!”
Author notes
i have notes to give! lol. well, it's that time of year again, and it's my time. CSEC (or CXC or 'O-Levels' as it's commonly called) is here and is my time to write this exam. tens of thousands of students each year write this exam in 16 participating Caribbean territories. i'm doing nine subjects, so i have nine exams, hence the dragons. so far, i've finshed 3 subjects with 6 more remaining to go. the nine subjects are in order as they appear in the poem :
>English A or Language (i have to do two comprehensions and 3 essays)
>English B or Literature (hafta study Macbeth, The Pearl, Green Days by the River and 20 poems)
>Mathematics (basic algebra, triginometry and geometry)
>Additional Mathematics (this is graded by University of Cambridge, not the Caribbean Examinations Council, CXC, so it's freaking hard!!!)
>Geography (earthquakes, volcanoes, rivers, oceans, rock types, weathering, cities, blah blah blah)
>Spanish (self explanatory; gotta write two essays for this exam )
>Biology
>Chemistry
>Physics
i do the maximum amt. of subjects my school let's me do. some ppl do 10 subject.
the sages of course be-ith my teachers.
and the treasures, all the stuff i've learned over the past 5 years.
btw, GOODLUCK TO ALL WRITING CSEC AND CAPE!!!!
username: Chocolate Chip
A contest entry
- For all of you Brilliant young Poets...20 and under.... by islekine.
750 points, ended June 8, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blockbreaking (Come One, Come All!) by Connor Blackbird.
850 points, ended June 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1666 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like it?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Speaking strictly of mechanics, this was passable but not remarkable: the 'fantasy' style didn't really hit home and the extended metaphor was perhaps just a little too extended. The problem with your metaphor (and I know it is hard to think of a profound comparison to school exams) is simply that the logic doesn't hold up between the two. (There is, for instance, no reason given why knowledge of mathematics should slay a dragon, when it will do perfectly well to slay a final exam.) You used some decent phrasing and demonstrated a fairly broad vocabulary, though. At least you honored the fantasy-poem genre correctly if you were going to do it at all - good work there.
-
This is well thought out and penned...I would take out most of the "and" s....also....the capping at the start of each line...really throws off the flow!!
Just so I can...deceive it...might sound better...
A few tweeks...tweaks? here and there and this would be totally awesome....Thanks for entering...well done!
Best wishes in the contest...
Write on! My scores will come when I judge...
*PEACE*
-
Coool... That note did help a little. Now I understand what you mean. Even though I don't, I think that you are talking about school. I don't really like to talk about it. My grades aren't too good this year.
-
Very Good
I did enjoy how you used the metaphor of dragons in relation to education.
Personally my favorite stanza is:
"For the sixth,
Five years I spent
Learning it’s language.
Just so I will deceive it,
Into thinking
I’m it’s master."
Sadly, I did the same thing. Now, it is bitting me in the butt. I'm working twice as hard to learn now what I didn't then. Maybe cause I wasn't taught, or I didn't take the time to learn more. I looked at education as a daunting task at times.
Nice job over all ~ I did enjoy it greatly!
-
GREAT job! Sooooooo creative! Seriously...this theme here...brilliant. The metephore of your education being a battle...just awesome...the subjects...to be conquered....superb!
Now THAT all being said, if I would make a suggestion it would be to pay attention to what your readers are saying to you...so far, everyone who has commented has really liked it BUT... said that without the authors notes there was serious confusion....Same here.
So suggestion maybe would be to try to tie in the actual premise (or theme) to the title or/and add a few lines to let the reader know about that AWESOME and CLEVER metephore you came up with.
...and might I add the fact that you refer to things you have leaarned as treasures...thats just a beatiful thing...and EXCITING (for YOU!) Good luck in this contest and I totally hope you kick some major "dragon" butt.
Jamie
-
-
yea. i was thinking about the advice you gave me. about adding some lines in the poem. i can't do it now cuz i'm studying my butt off right now (somewhat hehe). so when exams are done, i'll get on it. thnx for the comment!
-
-
yes
This was very good it was a little hard for me to follow until I read your note then it all made sense this is really good
-
Wow... when I read this, I was very confused. I really thought it was about dragons. Your author's notes certainly cleared this up for me. Looking back on it, the last line about going to war, is very funny. Great write! I loved your vocabulary and imagination
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
