You reminded me of Hemingway
the way your eyes roved the sea
searching for something deeper
than any ocean could shield.
You reminded me of Hemingway
in how you drank
searching still for something unrecognized
toying with the coins in your pocket
You reminded me of Hemingway
in the set of your jaw
on a starry night when the wind chilled
but you never noticed
You reminded me of Hemingway
in so many vital ways
Now, I read his poems
and feel your arms and know
that like Hemingway
you see so much more
feel so much more
than you will dare to say
out loud again.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent
I really love this and I wouldn't change a thing, with all due respect, the repetition doesn't bother me at all in fact I think it gives a nice kinda "springboard" effect to the whole thing; a good punchline! and ,er, well, Hemingway I don't like him, I love the guy!!
Nice work!
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Tremendous Poem!
There are poems and then there are POEMS. This poem is definitely a poem that shouts at the reader, one of those rare, extraordinary ones that says so much with an economy of words and an infinity of imagery. Long a fan of Hemingway myself, this fine poem is not about him, but about someone lucky enough to possess some of his better qualities. The terse style in which it is written highlights those qualities in this person. It is a wonderfully expressive poem, one of the better poems I have seen this year, if not the very best, because it is so personal and yet very appealing. Carl.
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I really like this piece, the repetition did not seem overdone to me, and I feel it adds a strength to the piece. I particularly liked the second stanza. Overall, very well done.
Rory
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Thank you, Rory, for taking a moment to read this and for the comment.
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His writing is just flawless in my eyes. Thank you, Leo for the visit and your comment. The strong silent type? How'd you ever guess? They just seem to have so many layers to navigate through and you never truly get to "know" them. Now...how is that beard progessing?
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Oh but what he did say is still being taught in high school literature classes to this day. Hmmm... you like the strong and silent type don't you? Maybe I'll grow a beard..lol.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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i like the "set" of this piece. it's a strong device. the repetition of same top line to Stanza jarred me slightly. I know what u r trying to do, that is induce a sense of commonality, familiarity throughout but 4 some reason for me it didn't slide just right.
i did however very much enjoy reading and thought it ended lightly and smoothly.
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Too many stanza's I think, therefore too much
repetition. Thank you for bringing that to my attention, I may remove a stanza or so, work some of the thoughts into existing ones....I appreciate your reading and your constructive criticism. Thank you
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