They landed with a thump,
and seemed to writhe around
for some prolonged seconds
on the dull, harsh concrete.
Until you saved them.
Until, you cupped them
in your rough pink hands,
brushed the loose specks
of dirt from their candid skin
and held them close.
You pronounced their every
corner and crevice;
ran your index along
the texture of them, puzzled
their meaning carefully,
and pondered still
as my breath quivered.
The lump in my throat;
the aviary in my stomach;
the tremors in my fingers,
melted in your comfort
and hung on your every word.
As you clung to my words;
my fallen words.
Author notes
"the best of AP"
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best of AP by ageofdarkpoets.
450 points, ended October 6, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow.. This poem is very great i loved it dearly. So very well written you described it so well to where i could picture it in head. My favorite part is when you said "melted in your comfort and hung on your every word" that was worded so well. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck..
..<3..
Shelly -
well
These words do make you stop and ponder. It is the beauty of love written in the sand or the midnight whisper of affection. Perhaps even a sad ending. But excellent nevertheless poet. I to have a poem called ' Words' much different though
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Your poem was good, but somehow, this line
the aviary in my stomach;
was better! That one line captured my attention and I had to reread the last part of the poem because I was still thinking about that line. What a perfect description. 5 little words strung together in a perfect sentence.
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this is great. very well done.
~Lae
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That was beautifully written. I would say more than that, but that about sums it up! Well done!
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I really enjoyed this...aviary in your stomach....
....I like that line! This is well done...and should score well with me....final scores at judging...
Thanks for entering!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Thank you very much. It means a lot that you enjoyed it.
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I really enjoyed this...aviary in your stomach....
....I like that line! This is well done...and should score well with me....final scores at judging...
Thanks for entering!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Far-fetchedly brilliant
Love the story you intertwine of these 'sayings,' every little detail all because of both of you as living persons. The first stanza was just the way to begin this. Either relaxing a deep sadness you might be in, and the words, or perhaps what you express, are caught and cared for. That was very powerful, like something automatic you would do when something enjoyed drops.
Sometimes, I have to re-read this, but each stanza seems to carry through the meaning way further than just cliche. Awww, "brushed the loose specks of dirt from their candid skin" is so beautiful in sorries picked back up frequently to not then hide the brightness. I also think the next line is referred to in a way I can picture people.
"the aviary in my stomach" seems to explain an aggravation, always locked in with no opening like a bird who wants to fly, and I feel 'guts' is a good way to imagine that tenseness. But how creative when set free, not wildly, you perch on a statement you can tell is really meant for you.
Deep, deep, deep, however I hope I've uncovered it as I want to realize the passion you had when writing,
PIA-K -
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Thank you very much for your indepth feedback. Your written interpretation is spot on, maybe even better put than I could have if I'd tried to explain it.
Again, thank you.
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Ohh, this is just perfection. That feeling is petrifying and you have put that emotion into words simply and well. Nothing but kudos to you!!
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wow that is good, it actually reminded me of those 3 little words, man they have so much in them that nothing can do to change the meaning
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Wonderful imagery, I wasn't quite sure what your poem was about until the last two lines, where it all snapped together.
This poem is simple, but states so much about the weight of words.
Beautiful work, poet.
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Wow, this poem has me thinking, but theres so many things that this poem brought on that I don't know what to say other than wow. I really like how you pulled this poem together.
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