"mother in reverse is spelled rehtom"
she tells me this weekly
over the electric hum of bottle neck dildos
for some reason I want to hold her
face towards the sky
place a penny on her forehead
and make a wish
long ago both arms gave up the use
of a closed hand at each end
fingers became hardened flesh strips
without movement
what is odd you see
she never cried
not once in the hospital
curtains brought tight
little magnets with stupid slogans
littering the floor
even marble behind the sink
in the small bathroom had given up
quite possibly a hawk
too wing heavy landed on the terrace
and then
fell to its death
she might have seen the beak
thump pavement
golden feathers thrown aloft
as it screeched
she may have been there
as blood dripped out of an eye
yet one thing was certain
"the self is not dead"
she tells me this
like I was her son just a mere
three years ago
like I have forgotten she held
nine months of fetus
then shit me out a scared
screaming monster
I want so much
but today it is irrelevant
son in reverse with an added "e"
is "nose"
and I have never once been able
to breathe through it properly
In a list
A contest entry
- Pictured Inspired once more by whispernthedark.
775 points, ended June 7, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
all advice is warranted.
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
-
I like this one, it seems like you have alot of anger towards her....And I also like how you take a couple of the words and spelled it backwords very brilliant!!! The last stanza is my fav...
luv ya, ~Stacey~
-
-
I did the backwards thing as me and my mother sometimes might as well speak like that and we just, don't work, most of the time...It's more like frustration in this poem, than actual anger...But I suppose sometimes that feeling can mix. You and your lovely comments. Thank you Stacey.
You're wonderful.
;
-
-
I feel dumb for saying the same stuff over and over again, but this is really amazing!
I can relate to it to a certain extent, but I have never been in the exact situation. It would be so hard and I couldn't imagine. I liked the word play and the ending was so fantastic. I love this stuff 
Jeanette*~
-
-
Awww! Thank you. My poetry is super personal, so when someone relates to it, immediately...It makes me feel like I got my job done as a poet. We don't always have to know the places we each speak of, but it's nice to at least feel that longing and that connection. Thanks again. Big hugs.
-
-
hehehehe, love the ending, you didnt make us "bad brains" use our half brains to connect the dots
but nah this is wickedly awesome, love the description of the dying bird....it puts a nice cold feeling in the heart, but this poem needs that.
great write and congrats on the bronze
Stephanie ♥
-
-
I am glad your brains could handle it... Even though I'm sure you could have regardless. 
There is a lot of coldness in this piece as it involves my mother again and she is always a topic in some of my poetry, in different forms. Thanks for the comment.
; -
-
haha, well thanks *Hugs*
and yeah..i remember you mentioning something along the lines of her and you not having much of a relationship?
i know the feeling, except its with my dad things get rather ugly
welcome
-
-
Well, my dad and I aren't really close either,
but I think we all get along with one or the other
and it tends to be a weakness in everyones life.
-
-
well...idk
in everyones life you tend to like one more than the other, but i dont know if everyone tends to say i hate my dad and hope he dies
-
-
Yikes! Well no, I haven't said that before, but I do kind of sense that harshness in my thoughts sometimes.
-
-
i dont know if i old him i hoped he would die, but ive told others, and well they normally hope he dies as well, and well i have told him i hated him...but well idk after he beats you and all...
-
-
Well I don't want to applaud that comment, for obvious reasons...I was never abused by my parents physically, but possibly mentally yes. It seems like you are a stronger person though, which is a good thing. Sorry to hear that darling.
-
-
well mentally hurts just as much, and emotionally..it's horrid....it really tears you down..i think i hte it more.
and anyways it doesnt matter now, it doesnt happen now....just the emotional and mental, and of course neglect.lol -
-
Well I am glad it doesn't happen anymore. That is truly awful to have that weighing down on you and I greatly appreciate you opening up to me about it.
I'll catch you again soon.
Good night.
-
-
only a fraction of it to say the least.
and sure i guess
goodnight *hugs*
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Well I couldn't find a meaning for 'rehtom' while I was there, which would have been great, but yes, 'visualise' is also a correct spelling... lucky me
I find this an extraordinarily powerful write and written, it seems to me, with great courage.
I want to know more about what the 'hawk' happening was, whether you do too, or whether it symbolises something quite precise for you; 'quite possibly...' invites to this intrigue very successfully.
The sense I get is of a desire to tear through all the 'surfaces', to reach a reality underneath them in which to reconcile a real love which isn't content with compromised appraisal or mere humouring. A desire for something to be truly recognised for what it really is and feels, a most likely, justified scathing towards what covers it.
Yes, I very much like the second stanza but the last stanza is the one that really hits home and perfectly completes this part of a tale.
This is all as I read it, obviously and I may be way off mark but the feel of a need for something o be completed and healed shouts loudly here. Well worth the trophy, reads like 'Gold'!!
May we breath freely
Sol
-
-
Oh and yes, every time I write like this, it takes great courage. I leave a piece of my soul always behind. It's little dying a little bit each write I give her, but I think as poets, if we can not die for our work, metaphorically and sometimes meaningfully, there is no point in writing.
-
-
Yes, I personally believe, that what 'dies' can 'die' because this is the very 'breaking through the surface' spoken of and behind which there can only be further 'Light'.
I got the 'rehtom' thing, it was just a fancy, while with the dictionary, it would have been great if it did happen to have had a meaning we didn't know about... but no and it doesn't diminish anything at all. Thanks for explaining more of the poem some of which confirmed things which I didn't want to fall into presumption about. I always try to be cautious about that but what comes over strongly is that it is and as you say, a very 'real' write.
-
-
Yes it would have been neat to find it in a dictionary. But I'm afraid it would raise too many questions...LOL. You're welcome. I felt like it would give you some more footing, if it was necessary. Sometimes cautious is good. Yes it is. Expressing time and space with you is always lovely. I feel like two planes are co-existing as one.
I'm off to watch a film.
;
-
-
-
Thank you so much for such an in-depth comment Sol!
rehtom is mother spelled literally backwards. It's not really a word. The hawk is a metaphor for the many departures from me as a person. In a way, I am that hawk. She only seems to notice me when I am either close to falling or crushed completely. My mother has always played a very powerful part of my writing. Though we do not get along on most aspects or see eye to eye, I want her to love me, without constrictions. Sometimes I think she wishes I was born someone else. Someone more like her. I don't know. It terrifies me to see myself in her eyes. When it should warm my soul.
My mother always inspires a darker side to my writing. I just think it has always been this way. Maybe in time this will change, but I am twenty five now, still no change. But someday. Hopefully, we will meet somewhere in the middle. So yes, a tearing through the surfaces for sure. And I very much want to shout out, like you said, and feel complete, at least, from her perspective. She always inspires me. Good or bad.
You are such a lovely reader. The comment you left me was very on target. I like the way you perceive my work. How very observant of you.
All the best you dear sweet emerald.
;
-
-
Damn, I think I've read the rest of 'em.
Want more....
-
-
There will be more eventually. I promise.
It's all in timing for me...LOL.
-
-
Ooohhhhh, I'm loving this one!!! This is good stuff, this is. It feels so personal, I almost feel like I'm crawling into your head for a minute and taking a look around. (And it's intriguing!)
First stanza sets the scene perfectly, for me.
And then
for some reason I want to hold her
face towards the sky
place a penny on her forehead
and make a wish
Wow! I don't think I've ever read a more favourite stanza, ever! I just adore it. Brilliance!
she might have seen the beak
thump pavement
Another favourite.
I see love here, but in a resigned, distanced way.
I want to eat this, it's delicious. 
-
-
Thank you! Yes my mother plays a key element in my poetry often and this was one of those poems that felt like it needed to be spoken. I didn't have the blood to write this type of work years ago...But as you age, you start to realize that the mind has things to say about certain issues and they must be purged. So yes. I offered people to crawl around inside my brain. Certainly intentional. For good or bad, it is always nice to take a journey through someone's eyes.
Thank you so much for you lovely comment.
;
-
-
for some reason I want to hold her
face towards the sky
place a penny on her forehead
and make a wish
that stanza is so gorgeous. you did something in this piece that i fucking love which is use gruesome imagery but do it beautifully and tastefully...the stanzas about the hawk for example. absoloutely sunning.
-
-
You picked out the verse I tinkered with a little and am glad you like it as well. Personally I find it wonderful when my readers find a bit that I love very much. Similar minds think alike, I guess. Glad you enjoyed the poesy here. You are so nice to this eastern coast gent.
;
-
-
There are so many things that could be said, but I will leave this as thank you for the excellent entry inspired from the picture. Great write, good luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
-
-
Thank you for the shiny. I am glad that you enjoyed the write and I had fun writing it for the contest.
;
-
-
see,,
the imagery here.
((you were probably an adorable scared screaming monster ))
"I want so much
but today it is irrelevant
son in reverse with an added "e"
is "nose"
and I have never once been able
to breathe through it properly "
this was my favorite stanza.
i don't know why but it lunged off the computer screen and slapped me in the face.
this is what i have been searching for since you left the site..
i never found it..
then you came back.
♥ ♥
((i love it))
-
-
I might have been an adorable screaming monster but I also looked like a little complete fruit cake with a few strands of hair on my head and big alien eyes...Babies are weird looking. They just are.
you picked my favorite stanza too and I wrote it. LOL.
You searched the site and never found poetry like this...
You flatter me. You know the secret to this poets heart. When you compliment I
.
Thanky girl. -
-
hehehe especially when they're first born..they're all squished and shit.
hahahahaha
great minds think alike?? :]
nope. no one is as good as you are and i doubt ill ever find anyone who can make me crazy with his words, see images ive never thought of, and tug my heartstrings like a harp.
you really are something else.
:]
&&im glad i can make you blush.
it makes me happy.
-
-
"squished and shit"...LOL. I love your take on it too.
I really don't know what to say besides: You are so lovely. Saying that I am the best is a compliment above all compliments and I am so susceptible to flattery, that I might just explode. Literally.
You girl make the poesy here smell better. I have missed your random observations and your quirky spirit. Been around my stuff since I started here and that is really saying something. True internet friend. Yes indeed.
"tug on my heartstrings like a harp" - Use that in a poem.
you should.
;
-
-
heh heh yeah im still a bit of a little kid sometimes. :]
awww..
explode!! ;]
heheh yes sir. we've been on this site since november of 04 and we still talk.
heh ill use it.
-
-
Aren't we all like kids sometimes.
I know I am.
-
-
-
-
-
-
This is good stuff.
-
-
You flatter me but
thank you faith.
;
-
-
Mothers tend to be a pain in the ass ... until you become one, and then you realize how little you really know her. Interesting and engaging images and language. I love twists and unusual turns of phrase and ideas
-
-
I won't be becoming a mother, unless I have a hidden vagina somewhere but yes I think I know what you mean. I wonder what it would be like if I was able to be a mother? Spooky. Probably my kids would all abandon me because I'm on allpoetry too much and drink wine late in the evening.
Glad you enjoyed and thanks for stopping into my poem house.
;
-
-
Looks like the tip of the iceberg here. Lots to be said, but not sure how to say it, or maybe not wanting to expose that soft underbelly that is always open to misunderstanding.
My mother loves me more than anything in this world, but I don't have the very best of relationships with my mother. Even though I know she did the best she could throughout my life, there are still times that I wonder how she can continue to cause me pain. I have to give you much credit, my friend, because I don't think I could even get as far as you have in describing the relationship.
I'm only commenting here from the viewpoint of a daughter - I don't even want to think about it from the viewpoint of a mother.
A peek inside for sure.
bex
-
-
Your comment is human and honest and leaving lots of feedback here would only take away from that. Very good outlook and I enjoyed your personal intervention into my poem. I don't know what my mother would think if she read this maybe it would give a moment of levity and she would learn something. Or maybe not. Only time will tell I guess and when she finally reads this.
Personal writes are hard for some people but my mother has always held such a role in my writing that I can't help but credit her for the pain as well as the compassion.
Thank you for reading Becky. It means a lot.
;
-
-
wow - this is so intense. I just wrote a really long, personal comment & deleted it
so, please know that
i really like this...
-
-
I'm sorry to hear that. I sometimes hit delete instead of reply as well so there is no harm done. I am just glad you enjoyed it and found something to call poetry.
Thank you tara.
; -
-
oh no - I hit delete on purpose...I went on and on about myself & nothing about the poem. It made me think of so much and mostly examine similar relationships in my life Really..a very good poem.
-
-
Oh I see now. But I meant what I said about the reply/delete thing also...LOL. I would have read it if you rambled. I like rambling sometimes. Cleanses the soul.
;
-
-
-
-
Mothers.....
I will never understand them..
-
-
Some are readable and some are not.
Mine falls somewhere inbetween but mostly not.
Thank you for stopping by Liza.
I appreciate it.
;
-
-
Being a mother of three I hope my children would never feel the need to spell me backwards as "rehtom" - sounds much too much like "retard" to me or some kind of robotic creature - which I guess is what you're portraying here. I sense in this an absence of touch, real touch - the deeper touch, more than hands, but hands too, yes...
I too found a sense of disconnection here, a distance but somehow the "nose" made me think of an almost clausterphobic sensation....in the metaphorical sense of the word. Still there is love here too and I've found a good amount of sensitivity and understanding here from the son.
This is beautiful poetry that moved mountains within this mother's heart. A unique piece of writing that just made me realize again how important it is to belong, to create that circle of arms that does not alienate, but enclose. I myself was much closer to my father than to my mother too but fortunately that has made me sensitive to my own children's needs... so we learn.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Thank you nicolette for the lovely comment. I never noticed mother spelled backwards does almost sound like retard...I was just trying to illustrate mother literally spelled backwards and when I was little she would usually make a joke about how mother backwards would seem strange. Seeing this poem is about her it felt only fair to include it.
There has always been a disconnection between me and my mother as we have never been what could be considered close. We love each other yes but there has always been a hesitant nature between us, like a pit.
Sadly both my mother and father have never been that close but like you said so eloquently "so we learn". Nicely said nicolette.
You leave me such beautiful comments filled with your introspections and your life. Thank you very much for this lovely comment on this 5:17 sunday evening.
;
-
-
quite possibly a hawk
too wing heavy landed on the terrace
and then
fell to its death
Oh, that's beautiful. And I like the first line, I think it puts the mother in a light of irrelevance, or at least the things she says. The disconnection in the relationship is relatable, even to people who can't really relate. -
-
You are an observant reader. A rarity.
Thank you, muchly.
;
-
-
She feels so completely desensitized to me. I probably read that wrong or with my own slant..I hope that is okay.
The son, very observant, knows her better than she realizes, I think.
Love the second stanza most.
-
-
No. You read things well I think. She's always been there in body but never in spirit. I don't think she is capable of understanding how out of it she can really seem to those that love her.
And thank you. I have always known her a lot more than
she will ever be capable of knowing herself.
;
-
-
.
-
-
Thank you, jantastic.
-
-
Hmm, what the heck does "rethom" mean?. Maybe you weren’t trying to say that mother means something different reverse, but to just explain how your mother did things in reverse to most moms, and I love how you revisited the reverse theme at the end. The "nose" idea was very powerful to me.
The title is really interesting, when I was reading the poem; I was wondering why you chose to call it that until you very subtly used the word in the middle. And also to see such a bright and promising word like 'golden' in such devastating terms seems like it's illustrating broken dreams to me.
They’re so many lovely details in the poem that speak volumes when taken metaphorically but presented in a simple way to help everything chug along. If I try to mention everything I liked about the poem I'd nearly copy the entire thing.
This hits pretty close to home to me, since I have never been close to my mom either.
Love it.
-
-
Hey there you. Yeah the mother backwards part is just the word mother literally spelled backwards. Isn't actually a word, at least I think.
Think you might also be onto something with the title and how it corresponds to the piece. Yes indeed.
In terms of mother in general, Never been that close. We love each other sure but there is more underneath that I will not get into here in this comment. My best advice to anyone curious about our relationship should read the poem like you have. I think it will more than satisfy the curious readers who want to know exactly about a mother in general.
You leave such good comments. Thanky babes.
;
-
-
this is about much mother earth as it is about mothering on a more personal leverl... the parts i love in the piece are where you become fetal and those deeper thoughts prevail out of the darkness
the way we let little things about our parents irritate us can become the bigger monsters in reality..
this is a grand piece luv and with much reading to do of it.. bookmarking..
-
-
I actually wrote this one pretty straight forward as it needed to be gotten out and I wasn't that interested in if the poem did much metaphorically. Think maybe some of its rougher edges add to that. You are dead on about how parents can be irritating but mother in my world has always been a little vacant from my life. Just the way it is I guess.
Thanks Gilly for reading.
;
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 58 of 58
