Heed my warning,
Hear my cry,
Listen now,
Or you will die.
Now,
Be swallowed into my spell,
And clear your mind,
Become my empty shell.
I protect thee from thy time,
To forever live.
Tables turned now,
On a dime.
Follow my death call,
And wave goodbye,
As we slowly dissapear,
Down the dark hall.
Understand?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this has a wonderful flow to it, held me from begining to end. it definatly has an element of darkness to it which i rather liked
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Great write.
I loved the vague intimidating demands, and dark wording. Very forboding. (:
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ooh
this was creepy, sent chills down my spine! pretty dark write... but kept me captivated till the end! keep penning!
Awesome
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I love the natural rhyming in this. I do understand this...in a weird way. I love the great flow in this. This is a very tastefull dark poem, which I appreciate - most are just: Wah I'm sad. I want to kill myself blah blah blah So kudos to you on that. I love the "thee"s and "thou"s Old english sounds so cool - especially for poetry. I like how you kept this short and to the point and didn't go on rambiling forever. I also really like the title - it drew me in and made me want to read this poem. Great job!
Wow
That was a really long comment for such a short poem.
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The poem does have flow. Good flow.
However the poem does nothing to inspire a new experience in me. Also it sounded rather cryptic, as though you didn't pen some key thoughts into the poem. -
very nice. dark but a little short for my tastes yet somehow still liked it. You had a way to keep me reading which isnt easy to do.
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