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e.y.e.s

i see my eyes in the
m
i
r
r
o
r
?are those t;e;a;r;s?
and {i think} i understand
those eyes are not mine
they are –hers-
those eyes were never mine
though they were the ones you
l
o
v
e
d
in those o.t.h.e.r eyes i see truth
your xx.kisses.xx were hollow
your ~promises~ lies
my crying eyes, my s/h/a/t/t/e/r/e/d heart
are not the one you
l
o
v
e

Author notes

I’ve never written dirty pretty before. So forgive my possible over-punctuation and the general oddness of this piece. I like this dirty pretty stuff, don’t get me wrong. I’m just not sure if I can do it right.

A contest entry

Does this work as dirty pretty?

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Kathraina silver member
    March 16
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written, you've done a marvelous job with this piece!


  • Dangerousparable silver member
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i dont know anything about dp but it looks and sounds tremendous to me


  • ThisIsMyWonderland
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, I had everyone write this just to see how the actual poem would turn out. It was a nice first attempt but it lacked the sparkle that your other poems held. Pretty interesting stuff. 6/10

  • poetrytoopeneyes
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good first attempt. I like how you centered it, I don't see that often. Your usage of puncuation really fit the piece rather than going overboard. Great write.


  • silver-X-lining gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this! It's very good for a first dp attempt.
    You get the point across well and you seem to have a natural talent for telling a story in images and punctuation. you did well to keep some sort of consistency between the dp-style punctuation elements you used--frequently starting dp poets go waaaay over the top with punctuation and let the drama overshadow the beauty of their words. You express your emotion well.
    Keep practicing; this was an awesome first dp poem. A few more, and you'll truly shine.

    ~QoA

  • Bob Fox
    June 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well

    I love the way your presented this piece . The format was so different yet kind of neat. The message sad and the poets words so true


  • stoli
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What exactly is dirty pretty?
    I'm trying to decide what I think of crazy decorative punctuation, so I have no opinion on this as of right now .

    xx.

1 - 7 of 7