Cadence of alikeness
Part One
Desperation fills her green eyes irritable.
This clock resting above forbidden fireplaces,
plucks away her youth with soured hour hands.
She dreams of palaces far away;
the kind of lands hidden between stanzas of poetic Paradise.
Hinges of faith close as depression engulfs her.
As goals sprint faster towards impossible;
she devours determination.
Spirits rise while weighted chains fall;
she is set free,free to find herself.
Gone;she went down the path only she could see.
My opinions smothered;she swallowed rational thought as she left.
Her feet determined to get nowhere;fast.
Her heart thirsting for new beginnings.
Words slipping out of proud lips,mutter melodies to my ears.
Never before have I felt so successful,
all my past failure melts away.
If only you could feel your words boil my soul;
to Al dente' perfection.
Unsure of my parental ways over the years,
now I stabilize.
So familiar with the name Caiden;and malnourished of the title dad,
Your sentiments hit deep.
Never will the heat wear away from those few words;
"No matter how the weather may change;this wind of love I hold for you dad;is eternal."
As the radiant scent of her blends into polluted air;
my belated tears fall.
The reason for my being has left;now where do I go?
Part Two
As the familiar scenery fades;
the realization sets in.
Her aspirations breathe life.
A fresh start feels so replenishing;
when served spontaneously at whims choice.
Her taste buds for success begin to salivate;
as the country air calms her excitement.
The sun begins to dim;
while the city lights creep closer.
exit number 77 sounds like heaven;
to her young impatient ears.
Strange bright faces blind her assumptions,
of livin' in the big apple.
Overwhelmed with possibilities;
she has no idea where to start.
Night transforming into morning,
she needs a place to rest her tired eyes and heavy ambitions,
so she rents a suite at the luxurious flea bag motel.
The scent of pesticides and gun powder eases her unconscious.
She rises with the sun;
searching for her calling.
hard work and a good wage;
until she can afford college.
She licks her chapped lips;
symbolizing the taste of her steps closer to success.
Part three
Days transform into months;
as months become endless.
Blisters decorate her blue colored feet;
like frustration coats her pale white face.
Eyes deprived of sleep,
she drifts off searching for less infested shelter.
Feasting upon success;
she found a jewel of an apartment,
for the price of day old donuts.
Incredibly satisfied;
she rejoices within a small grin.
As work over comes her;
she feeds her savings account to the point of gluttony;
and then past the state of obesity.
A few more months pass,
allowing monetary expansion.
Sunshine always follow thunderstorms;
especially when paired with hurricanes of determination.
Author notes
Three parts of my story that I'm writing,Any critique is gratefully welcome
thanks
whats your opinion about it?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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::squinting eyes::
Brant. You are aging much too fast. I fear you will be too much for us here soon. This was astounding. So real. So incredibly real.
Wow.


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Thank you very much

Your my biggest fan
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Brant, I'm familiar with the three people commenting before me, and if they think this is good,I'm not going
do a turnabout here. It is good. Watch for a note.
I have a letter that hast to be in Columbus by Friday but I cannot mail it till tomorrow evening. Wish I could send it up to you to get it there on time. Very important.lol
Nice going! You are going to be a formidable writer.
Just let me know beforehand when you are making the book-signing tour of Border's and I will come up to get your autograph!
John

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I like the third one best I think and I look forward to the continuation of it, it has good imagery in it and makes you want to read more Love, C


. Rewarded 4
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awesome work


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I think this third one is my favorite!
you really opened us and used those simile's very wisely,
i loved that ...for the cost of day old donuts...
and the sunshine always follows thunderstorms, when
paired with hurricanes of determination.
well done! i think this one is my fav!
ears/SEattle PAT yourself on the back!


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