Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The Maimed God

The horizon spills it's life across vast firmamental tapastry,
In torrents of rose ambrosia, giving birth,
to a God's momentous fall

Osiris descends Under Set's tooth and claw,
Banished by pestil to pandemic mortar.

Perforating the darkness in his death,
he tears great swathes in its velvet mantle
so that in memory of the great days war
may be the shards of the maimed one

adourning the epoch of obscurity.

Searing like embers upon this eternal cloak
so that by the hour of  a day's time split,
flecks of tribute may burn the frayed fabric
so dawn may be conceived.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Artistic-Soul
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    its a pity i dont understand all the allusions in this piece because even with my limited understanding its an amazing bit of imagery

    i like the story behind it and the tone is magnificent it captivates the reader right off you have a wonderful vocab in this piece no repetition on your thoughts which is very good

    i like it i just wish i understood it better


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have a limited knowledge of the struggle between Osiris and Set, and you have approached it very originally. I like how the piece ends on a somewhat hopeful note, seeing as Osiris after his death at Set's hands sired Horus--who in turn vanquished Set. The imagery you've used is dark, yet vivid, and sets the tone nicely.

  • Bob 42 silver member
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank God

    It must have been a horrific nightmare
    That would have sent me to my knees in prayer
    Knowing that my God was healthy and there
    Praying to be rescued from Satan`s lair.


  • OnceUponAMind silver member
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is very deeply thought of with such intense emotion woven in your words! I like the giving birth concept that you started this piece with, and ultimately is also what ended it. Great metaphor and Very nice touch.

    In torrents of rose ambrosia, giving birth - How beautiful, 'rose ambrosia'

    Great Write!


  • ckwriter69
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very intense write, written with strong and powerful imagery. Thanks for sharing it and keep writing.

1 - 5 of 5