The garden curled around us as we sat beneath the stars,
In the silver shine of Venus and the rust red glow of Mars.
The brandy was between us and we toasted life and love,
While the moon conducted music from the dark green leaves above.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
Vintage brandy in the bottle seemed to ask us both to drink
And the flowers that were watching clearly knew what they should think.
Then your glass was finally empty and you laid it to one side
While you closed your eyes and kissed me, and the barn owl tried to hide.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
There was silence in my city as your lips were joined to mine
And I tasted all of heaven and a little brandy wine.
As our bodies settled closer and we melted into one
With embarrassed little giggles that were sure to signal fun.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
So we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed
Then we walked along the garden path, my shoulder 'neath your head.
We pulled each other closer and we whispered with our hands
That tonight is all that matters and the whole world understands.
In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me.
Author notes
A couple of people have commented on the meter of the penultimate line of each stanza, normally I would look for a word that works well for everyone but I am very fond of the refrain here so I'll add a pronunciation guide, I say "diff' rent ly" 3 syllables not diff-er-ent-ly 4. I hope that helps.
c r i c k e t j e f f
In a list
A contest entry
- Love Poems! by Peachy.
1400 points, ended July 20, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites [Love Poems] Enter now! by perfectsunset.
475 points, ended August 17, 2008, 52 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How much can you take? by Wulf-Eyez De Winter.
450 points, ended September 7, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme some luv by unavailable.
600 points, ended September 18, 2008, 51 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Simply Your Best about love by Carly Pop.
350 points, ended October 21, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (my ap family) prewrite contest by serenity silvermoon.
490 points, ended January 28, 115 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, does it really exist? by geckogirl.
850 points, ended May 12, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - L'amour. Detonate your heart strings here. by splinteroflight..
700 points, ended June 20, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best prewritten poems by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1200 points, ended July 16, 107 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewriten poetry - rhyme only by Sonja.
4250 points, ended July 17, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Wondrous Love. by Poetryintheblood.
1000 points, ended July 22, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Light And Dark by hellzkitkat420.
450 points, ended September 9, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In search of new favourites by catstar.
600 points, ended October 13, 114 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 93 of 93
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Love this poem
I really like thee words and how u put them in this poem. Alot of talent! Congrats -
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it was beautiful. The line ' The garden curled around us as we sat beneath the stars' This automatically made me intrested. It's a very intresting thought and metaphor. A little bit like the gardens giving you a hug. The line 'and we put the stars to bed' I really liked this bit too. It was cute! Great stuff!
Lana
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This is absolutely amazing! I loved this. You conjure up such beautiful and magical images. I think the use of the last phrase of each stanza works well. It leaves the reader with the feeling that this is a moment thing and that the magic may break at any time. For me it broke when the poem ended. This is a fantastic write. thank you for entering, good luck.
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Congrats on winning all your trophys. I really loved the background. The blue was beautiful. Great job! Thanks for your entry.
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this poem makes me sigh. I love, love poems and the moon and brandy.. I am glad this poem won so many trophies.
Love,
Amera♥ -
I enjoyed your piece very much. Thanks. T
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Wow. This is an incredible love poem. The lines are long, but I think that they tell the story wonderfully and you did a really great job of keeping the rhyme flowing. I like how you repeated the same two lines at the end of every stanza. Congratulations on all of your well-deserved trophies!! Great job!!!!
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Your entry is most beautiful, Thank You, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Great flow and rhyme makes this poem to be "one of those" and the repeating lines gave it this special color of young love. Thank you for this beautiful entry.
~Sonja~
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Wow! That was a great poem. I loved the repetition, it really added to it and it was so beautiful.
Favorite lines: The garden curled around us as we sat beneath the stars,
In the silver shine of Venus and the rust red glow of Mars.
And..
We pulled each other closer and we whispered with our hands
That tonight is all that matters and the whole world understands
(I was smiling during those lines)
Overall score; 10/10
Great write! -
:]
loved loved loved it!
i loved the part about the silencing of the city when you kissed, <3
congrats on a brilliant write!
good luck! xo
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clever and utterly delightful. love the jaunty rhythm and the repeated refrain.
so many gorgeous, creative lines in this. i especially love the first and last stanzas.
"The garden curled around us"
"put the stars to bed"
"whispered with our hands / That tonight is all that matters and the whole world understands."
some of the best use of personification and alliteration i've ever seen
"While the moon conducted music from the dark green leaves above." - lovely
"And the flowers that were watching clearly knew what they should think."-
"In the silver shine of Venus and the rust red glow of Mars."
just an exceptional poem all around, carefully and excellently crafted.
one last polish: i didn't understand the placement of "and" before "barn owl" (line 10), tripped a bit on it... perhaps either "While you closed your eyes and kissed me, the barn owl tried to hide" or "You closed your eyes and kissed me, and the barn owl tried to hide." if nothing else, I think there should be a comma before the "and," since "the barn owl tried to hide" is an independent clause.
but wow! this was so much fun to read.
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You are right about that comma, so I've added one, in fact the phrase may almost be better in parenthesis, but that may soften it too much.
The meter of the whole piece is quite soft and if you picked a slightly different emphasis to me I can see where you would want to lose a word in that line, but in the meter I read it in it would be short a bounce if it lost a word, however I have always believed that the poem belongs to the reader as they read, and if it works better for you without it I am more than happy for you to read it that way
Thank-you for sending me to bed with some of the nicest compliments I have ever been paid
Jeff
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your rhyme & flow was wonderful.. I really enjoyed this... thanks for entering my contest... good luck
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this is wikid fukin awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i especially liked,
"In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me."
awsome way to end!! -
Your writes are always so superb and so emotional. It is an honest treat to read your work. This one, however, I think might be my favorite so far. It's so soft and lovely in voice and mood. The setting is painted gorgeously. Thank you very much for sharing this, and again, it's no wonder why this has been a gold winner more than once.
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This could ONLY be the GOLD! I can see Johnny Depp doing this on Broadway! Excellent, Kipling reborn!!!
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A worthy winner.
Good grief! How could anyone get fussed and criticise you over the meter of 'differently'? You were too indulgent of such nongs, putting in that apostrophe. (At least you didn't mutilate 'finally' likewise in S2-L3). Regardless, it's a great, memorable refrain, and no wonder you are fond of it. A perfect plinth for the repeated romantic images of nightime garden, flowers, stars, moon, brandy, etc, which leave me feeling quite nostalgic. The unity of the lovers aptly coveyed by the singular verb "was" before "only you and me".
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i would like to thank you for sharing this with me today and to congratulate you on all the trophies you have earned with this. i wish you well in th is cotnest that we both have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Interesting. I can feel.
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Thanx 4 entering. Good luck. - cgirl0410
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An absolutely beautiful rhyming piece. It is quite musical in rhythm and feel. Loved it, personally and I had no problem following both rhyme and meter and didnt lose concentration while bopping along through the story.
Well done. -
Good luck,
as always beautiful work
Love you
Passions -
Marvelous poem ...
and it certainly deserved all those shiny cups.
I normally don't like this type of poem much, but when you do it, you transcend the genre and light the stars like lamps.
Absolument magnifique. -
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Thank-you, that is a wonderful complement
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You won me over. I normally hate rhyme but this is very well done.
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Gah.
First of all, I love that part in the first line;;
"The garden curled around us..."
I love it.
lol.
I like the repetion of the last two lines in each stanza, too.
Really, a beautiful write.
Great job -
Good Job! Very well written. This poem is full of emotion. I absoloutly loved it. I loved how you rythmed and I loved the setting of this poem, as well. This poem was majorly long for me to read, but it wass so well written, I think it was worth it. Beautiful write! Good luck in the contest, and thanks for entering!
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Gardens have always been a magical place for me. Enjoyed this write and loved the rhyme.
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WOW is all I can say. Not a bad line in the dern thing.
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Tender gentle and impeccable rhythm and rhyme. I really liked reading your poem. Very good. I can see whey there are a ton of trophies here. ~Bramble
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amazing
i am speechless.....
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I'm not at all surprised you've got this poem placing so many times in other contests, it's beautiful. You've shown me there is such a thing as "good rhyme" on this site. I'd tell you my favourite part, but I'd be copying and pasting the whole poem. Thanks for entering.
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Hi Jeff, you have penned a masterpiece here. It has beauty all the way throughout the entire poem. All the previous trophy's should have been gold. Katie
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You are too kind Thank-you.
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Wow! This is amazing! Great write here, i love the refrain! And "as we whispered with our hands..."
Absolutely a delight to read, bookmarking for sure!!
Good Luck in the contest!!!
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Very Beautiful
Brandy came in handy
As the barn owl turned his head
Hands that talk are dandy
Lying side by side in bed
But outside in the moonlight
As the moon plays through the leaves
Isn't the place to do much quite
Of moves held up your sleevesBest wait til you're inside
Where wild things do not see
And the barn owl does not hide
By moves under the tree
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And I tasted all of heaven and a little brandy wine.
As our bodies settled closer and we melted into one
With embarrassed little giggles that were sure to signal fun.
Simply a lovely way to say it, I don't think there is a sweeter way to say it. This is beautiful, dear poet.
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this tis absolutely stunning... so romantic and such beautiful flow. i cant even pick a part of this i love most... its all just so beautiful. perfection
hugs,
georgie,
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that has got to be one of the most beautiful love poems I've read in a long time. It has good flow and beautiful rhyme. I like how you used the words 'love' and 'above' which normally sound cliche and gave them a whole new feeling. It was a romantic piece that made the feeling of falling in love so innocent and sweet, with a tad bit of adventure to it. Wonderful piece!
"Masquerade"
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I enjoyed this piece
The emotional sway of the words is splendid.
absolutly adored the 3rd line in the last stanza!
Well done and thank you for your entry into my contest.
Delila -
I like the flowers watching and knowing what they should think, great pathetic fallacy, and putting the stars to bed. Just a nice romantic piece with those whispering hands!
The repetition of the last two lines of each verse was quite effective.
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this is very very beautiful...i liked it alot
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A heavenly read with gorgeous imagery. Well deserving of the golds! Thanks for the journey through the field of love!
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I love this it makes me feel different... a good feeling of different. Its just.. so beautiful
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I LOVED this. SO beautiful the meaning, imagery, passion instilling and romance. From beginning to end, this left me breathless. Your metaphors were amazing too. Brilliant write!!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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This is amazingly beautiful! Full of sentiment and remembrance of an evening well spent. I love the line you are repeating at the end of each stanza! Lovely!
" In the cold grey light of morning we may think things diff'rently,
In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me."
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Truly classic. Loved the lines "And I tasted all of heaven and a little brandy wine" also "so we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed". It shows the power we feel when such love runs through our mortal bodies. This truly one of my favorites, it imagery and flow is beautiful for lack of a better word.
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I see why you won the gold...this poem really deserved it! Exellent, spicily romantic!***Pam***
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This is so beautiful. It has a soft romantic feel to the entire piece. "There is only you and me," and that's all that matters. I will come back to this poem again even in the 'cold grey light of morning. Wonderful job.
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Beautifully written!
I would have had no problem with the meter because that is the way I already pronounced "differently." Personally, I think that it is a very lovely and poignant poem, As the pronunciation of words changes with the times, I feel that we should do the same. Thanks for this wonderful poem.
Love's expression does change over time as well, but the love will always linger on in our hearts. ~ Joyce
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Congratulations!
You certainly deserved the gold for this poem. It is a delight.
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Perfectly delightful ...
and since your cheering section agrees, that's enough said.
Congrats on the Gold trophy too.
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Very lovely.
Put the stars to bed, hmmm, that is absolutely gorgeous. -
woah, this was very long for my short intention span but nice write
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:)
Very nice! i love it!
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What a beautiful piece bursting with love. Splendid write!
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Perfection!
I have tried a few times to right poetry on love and romance however have always failed miserably! This in my eyes is perfection! I can imagine myself in this magical garden, although I would replace the brandy with a nice bottle of wine
Superb!
Take care
Hayley x
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I'm sighing, who cares that the light of Venus and Mars aren't enough to do anything by!
So much romance in one piece of writing.
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You are a master.
Loads of well bread romance expressed and the refrain evokes a sophisticated attitude in your mannered poem. I learn from reading your work
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Thank-you, you are much too kind. However if you enjoy my poetry I am thrilled.
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I love this and to me the rhyme and flow is great,
I do not claim to understand everything, but I think
you have done a wonderful job here.
Riftkin
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Main Entry: dif·fer·ent·ly
Pronunciation: \ˈdi-fərnt-lē,
That is the pronunciation Mr Jeff. There is such a thing called Google that tells you these things. I know you are too old to know it, but if you ask someone young they can teach you to use it.
For what it is, this is a decent rhyme, and a well constructed poem. Have some bunnies.
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Wow Casanova!
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Thank-you!
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'So we gathered up the glasses and we put the stars to bed
Then we walked along the garden path, my shoulder 'neath your head
So we gathered the glasses and put the stars to bed..I like this line. Nice touch to the whole poem!! Best wishes in this contest ~Sie
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Owdo Jeff nice poem, now where's the one you want me to applaud?
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I sigh beneath the stars
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Sod the cold grey light of morning I want you now!!!
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Great Poem
I liked the point to this poem. To me this poem has alot of meaning and is close to how i feel when im with the person that i care about the most.
yay me
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What a pleasure to read a deeply emotive and romantic poem. It makes the soul tangible. As I read it pulls the heart and the soul into one, leaving me to believe that the swelling of emotion pushed the pen. At least that is how it feels when reading. Wonderfully flawless!
Best of luck in the contest
Michelle
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It's refreshing to see great flow like this, you scarcely see any on allpoetry. Most poems on here are just awkward. And I have to admit when you tooted your horn with claims that you have natural flow I had to roll my eyes, but it seems you were actually correct good sir (= bravo.
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a beautiful, flowing rhyme of words..pleasure to read.
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This poem is so worthy of publication. The wonder in these words leaves a warming impression in my spirit.
The meter, perfect, the rhyme, perfect. What a wondrous work of poetry, and show of talent!
I am in awe!
I wish you all the best in the challenge!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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the rhyming scheme is very carefully constructed. Each syllable manufactured. Its a very beautiful piece, strangly written, using ideas that represent your inependence, which I like.
Thank you
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Oh how soft and sweet the lullaby of love is. This is just beautiful in form and function. As I read it ....
the next to the last line in each verse had the only break in rhythm that I noticed. Other than that I believe you have a classic on your hand and perhaps a trophy.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. I appreciate it very much.
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sorry? which line is broken?
I'll see if it is fixable.
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Another Stunner!
You've done it again Jeff! And if I say it has echoes of Auden and MacNeice, it's a rare compliment and takes nothing away from this delightful piece.
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I'll take comparison with those two any day!
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You my dear friend are a master of meter. This poem is stunning! Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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from a Queen of the art that is a tribute!
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Wow! Now that's romantic...wish you would have entered this is my contest I had to bring back romance!
Always a beautiful picture you make! Love the repeat of the last lines...
"In the cold grey light of morning we may think things differently, In the moonlight, in the garden, there was only you and me"
This whole poem was ozzing with romance!
thanks for such a great feeling!!
darlintlc
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I like the way you "put the stars to bed"
Great rhyme as always and a poem full of love and feeling with a hint of humour showing through. Well done.
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Nice flow but I don't know if the first line in the second verse is missing a 'seemed TO ask us both to drink'-I may be getting above myself here!!!
xxx
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Thanks a lot fixed now Never worry about getting above yourself, read my poetry and look for the errors, if you can spot them in any poetry you can spot them in your own.
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Beautiful...that's all I can say
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Is this a sonnet jeff..or some other form ?
it flowed, read so well
I love how you painted out your picture...the garden and the love..
I will mke sure to check in again before judging
but love where it is at
Thank you
Cindy
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It isn't a "form" as such, that is nothing with its own name just what I love writing the most. A nice regular rhythm that makes me feel good even before the words fit in it
Thank-you for the very kind comment. -
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well no form..means your rhythm is just even more brilliant to come so naturally from you
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I guess it would probably be called a song, but whatever it is called, reading it makes me smile.
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It isn't bad so far, bro!
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well done on this one honey. You and me, always
Love you
Passions
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