Your name comes to me
like a whisper in the blaring silence,
A tongue too heavy to speak
much like a drunken organ.
The lack of sound disturbs my peace
so much that I have never known silence to bring in the thunder.
But this time I long to hear someone say my name,
To take me away from this deafening room
Where you can hear a pin drop
so loud that it shakes the earth.
I am yearning to hear the trees rustle in the wind,
but where I am you can only hear my breath.
Love is all gone and I am here all alone
Locked in this room that screams nostalgia.
I desire to be free where the music fills the air,
far different from the sound of nothingness
That surrounds me here.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I like the similes in the beginning and the metaphors closer to the end. They make it seem a bit more real to me. I like how you have the consecutive stanzas at least connecting to each other, but it confuses me a bit because some of the stanzas sound like just a fragment whereas others seem to be complete.... Otherwise, great write and I hope to read more from you in the future!
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WOW!!! This is deep! There is soooooooo much in this one, and there is nothing left to say
Everyone else has said it! What a great job!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
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Ahhh I have been there or perhaps I am in this place right now. I was kept captivated by your sadness to the very end but in a good way. Excellent poem.
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This is just genius, so well written. I love every word
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wow amazing write I love it...
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far different from the sound of nothingness
That surrounds me here.
oh this beautiful. your emotions spoke loud and clear.
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I LOVE IT@!
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love and loneliness, they tend to go hand in hand through life i think, there is always one close by to the other, even in the good times. a good poem.
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Depth and complexity
This is really brilliant, great sustained image from first to last which deepens as we read on, well constructed with lovely romanticism. I love the way you build to the conclusion, straining for that release. I cannot see how this could be improved. Thank you.
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Wow
woa. I think this is my favorite poem I've read in the last year. I was planning on saying I especially liked one two bar stanza but then there was another and another until I reached the end, where I think you might want to take out the last line: it doesn't need to be uttered. it is implied throughout the whole piece.
This was an amazing write, I hope you feel better soon. I hope you can get over this and love again, or whatever it is about.
best of luck to you
SeanO
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this is poem is the one i can certainly relate to right now.......tired of all the silence.....feel like breaking through into the world full of life and noise but not screams.......
this is really good one and i loved it......But this
time I long to hear someone say my name,
I desire to be free where the music fills the air,
loved it so much....
. Rewarded 6
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fine work
Lines 1 to 4 are a very nice introduction. They propose the theme of you poem in an elegant and creative way. The 'drunken organ' it's very nice imagery. As you have this fiery start, the poem continues, for me, in a mild mood, till we reach line 11 and 12. The rustling trees show me clearly the need of someone to hear something, anything: even distant whispers. I think the end matches with the overall idea, focusing on desire to break free from the nothing and the silence.
the repetition of word 'all' in line 13 kind of bothers me, but if it was deliberate, it's fine.
keep writing.
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