Your name comes to me
like a whisper in the blaring silence,
A tongue too heavy to speak
much like a drunken organ.
The lack of sound disturbs my peace
so much that I have never known silence to bring in the thunder.
But this time I long to hear someone say my name,
To take me away from this deafening room
Where you can hear a pin drop
so loud that it shakes the earth.
I am yearning to hear the trees rustle in the wind,
but where I am you can only hear my breath.
Love is all gone and I am here all alone
Locked in this room that screams nostalgia.
I desire to be free where the music fills the air,
far different from the sound of nothingness
That surrounds me here.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is poem is the one i can certainly relate to right now.......tired of all the silence.....feel like breaking through into the world full of life and noise but not screams.......
this is really good one and i loved it......But this
time I long to hear someone say my name,
I desire to be free where the music fills the air,
loved it so much....
. Rewarded 6
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fine work
Lines 1 to 4 are a very nice introduction. They propose the theme of you poem in an elegant and creative way. The 'drunken organ' it's very nice imagery. As you have this fiery start, the poem continues, for me, in a mild mood, till we reach line 11 and 12. The rustling trees show me clearly the need of someone to hear something, anything: even distant whispers. I think the end matches with the overall idea, focusing on desire to break free from the nothing and the silence.
the repetition of word 'all' in line 13 kind of bothers me, but if it was deliberate, it's fine.
keep writing.
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