[She doesn’t care how bad it
Hurts
Because she knows that life
Is nothing without
Pain.]
I don’t crawl away to the corner
And ask for you to stop.
No, I tell you to keep
Hitting me, just a little more, [even though it’s your fault I’m so -broken-]
Because I don’t want to
Wither
Away
To
Nothing.
Abuse is only natural in my world;
I’ve never known anything else.
And the people who see me wonder
Why I’m so t h i n,
But I never say anything because I know that
They’ll try to help.
Their “help” only makes my life harder
To deal with.
(The pain sending goose bumps up my spine,
And making me shiver. But I’m sure
Someone else can warm me.
I’m incapable.)
I’m a waste of a girl, only a emaciated,
Frail,
Body left;
And some pieces of pain stitched to
My wrists.
Nobody understands who this [creature]
Is, am I depressed, or just
Insane?
Not a single person knows about those
Late nights when I sat on the floor and tried to
(Familiarly) [dry heave]
Words onto the paper in front of me,
But finding that I was trying to
Spew out dust.
And what kind of poetry is that?
[Misused.]
I used to get lonely, sitting up here,
Second floor, staring at the streetlights.
That’s when I would talk to a razor
Blade, forcing it to listen by
Giving it as much attention as I dared. [sh.sh.shaking. && bl.bl.bleeding the entire time]
Making sure I spilled with last few
Poetic phrases before I passed out
[Again]
From starvation and loss of blood.
And I was sent away so many times,
Finding starched white sheets and
Self-injury checkers along my journey.
I passed those months with nothing more
Than a smile on my face to make them think I
Might be okay, stable enough to send home.
The warmth they thought they saw
Behind my eyes was really the
Impulse to break down,
Let go, and
[Run.]
The way I could count how many
Ribs I had
Fascinated me.
[I want to be able to count all the bones in my
B o d y.]
My hips stuck out like razor blades, threatening
To tear open any boy
I happened to be (in love?) with.
Even though I constantly hurt
Everywhere,
Fatigue dragging me down into oblivion,
I pretended that I was normal.
Eating at school like everyone else, but then
Purging it away ten minutes later.
[The unfamilar food felt like it was burning a hole right through me.]
And as for those scars, the remains of
[My perfect remedy,]
Laced with rust and sugar (or are those drugs?)
Are still there and glowing white.
I never gave that up, the mere thought
Of it
Makes me get high.
I reach for the blade like I’m in
A candy store,
[Hence, the cliched term “candy coated razor”]
I can almost hear it whisper my name
Over&over.
Sweet, sweet blade, please come and
Enhance the pain;
I need a release.
Darling;
I’ll tell you everything
If you promise me
That you’ll listen to
The words I say
But you won’t run
Far away from me.
I don’t need to be
Abandoned again.
Otherwise pain will be my
Best friend.
♥
Author notes
IUsedToBreathe
So I didn't use a picture.
Sorry.
I'm inspired a lot by people on my favorites, but the credit for this goes to my dearest Chelsey (for helping pull ideas out of me), and Escape the Fate- my apocalypse. freakin amazing song and really inspirational.
fuck.
A contest entry
- HEARTBREAK, SUICIDAL LOVE, ANYTHING DEPRESSING by beautifull-ugly228.
425 points, ended May 29, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BLOOD STAINED TEARS (SUICIDAL LOVE) by Candy Morphine.
300 points, ended June 11, 2008, 42 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dIrTy PrEtTy by poetrytoopeneyes.
600 points, ended June 15, 2008, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
----> Numb
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I think I really like this. It makes me uncomfortable (which I love) and I feel like it's really genuine. I absolutely adore the fourth stanza. Thank you so much for entering!
-
I love Escape the Fate, and that song. This was one of the better dirty pretty's I've read on the topic of cutting and eating disorders. Great write.
-
"The way I could count how many
Ribs I had
Fascinated me.
[I want to be able to count all the bones in my
B o d y.]"
Well done, this is awesome. Beautifully written, the dp was effective, and you got your point(s) across well here. The pain, confusion... you drag the reader into the world you create. Maybe it could be a tad shorter, but that's my only critique. Well penned and good luck in the contest.
~QoA
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Wow. I am speechless.
Amazing, amazing write. Truly moving.
-
i luv ur writing style, simply amazin and very catchy, its sumthin i can relate to and i just luv this poem, it speaks the truth
-
And some pieces of pain stitched to
My wrists.
am I depressed, or just
Insane?
-just some of my fav lines.
this is an absolutely beutifully written poem.
the way it was typed emphisesed the meaning so much.
although i havnt personally experienced an eating disorder, you really made me feel the hopelessness.
but i did know about the candy coated razor.
-i think it was this really made me fall in love with this poem.
well done and all the best for the contest -
amazing.
relatable.
real.
wonderful job.
-
I Love it.
This was my favorite part.
Even though I constantly hurt
Everywhere,
Fatigue dragging me down into oblivion,
I pretended that I was normal.
Eating at school like everyone else, but then
Purging it away ten minutes later.
[The unfamilar food felt like it was burning a hole right through me.]
I think it flows very nicely.
ILY
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Good God that was long but it worth every minute!! Fabulous poem!!!
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