Fallen into darkness,
Crazed swirls
Of rainbow delusion,
A blink of reality
Fleeing into the silver
Glittering at the border
That stands between
Insanity and lucidity
Puddles forming
Beneath my feet,
Impossibly frigid,
Numbing my stance
On my hands and knees,
Head throbbing
Heart slowing
Stopping
Lying crumpled
At the end of the path
I chose to take
I look over to you
At the end of the path
Fate told me to follow
You are laughing,
Head tossed back
In carefree humor,
Surrounded by friends,
Wisps of dark hair
Turning gray in the wind
While I lay drowning
In my own iced blood
But I will continue
To choose this path,
My path
Author notes
Quote inspired: "I like dancing with Fate, but I like her brother, Death, better." -Star of Atlantis
I'm not sure if this had enough of the quote in it, but I hope it's okay. For those of you who know me, this is fiction.
A contest entry
- " I will dance with Fate, But I like her brother, Death, better." ~my payment for the pif of fate~ by Star of Atlantis.
800 points, ended June 16, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BLOOD STAINED TEARS (SUICIDAL LOVE) by Candy Morphine.
300 points, ended June 11, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make My Spine Shiver and My Heart Cry by hisfallenangel821.
525 points, ended September 13, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Nice way to portray everything, I could almost feel myself in the poem as if the story was something I could live. Good job on writing this, best of luck to you in the contest.
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Puddles forming
Beneath my feet
Impossibly frigid
Numbing my stance
Well Penned. Good luck.
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Very very deep, great take on your chosen prompt. Visuals are great, words to describe this journey are perfect in my eyes
Great Job - and best of luck to you
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My vote goes to this poem ...
for the Gold. In the main, it's quite well done.
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ok so now i need to know the poem you like best of your peers in this contest ... you can only pick one so please tell me the name of your gold choice and then put the name of your own poem and tell me you wrote that one, or i might get confused as to which is the vote. i will post the results as soon as i have recieved all the votes via private message. thank you ... oh and by the way since you have to read to vote leave a little something for the author about their poem. its a good way to promot comrodery between us all here and its a good way to learn and grow and it can make someones day too... i know i always like it even if someone says they hate it at least i know its getting read.
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this is most interesting a cutting or suisidal poem that never mentions the cutting or the dripping red that is so common in the horibal cutting poems you read on this site. i like that. secondly the tag and quote should have gone in the body of the poem but being as you have it here for me to find i can at least give you some credit as some people left it out intirely. i think this poem is more about feeling. i get the feeling of falling. there are many things along the fall that could help you stop the fall but its not really important that you grab them. its a bit like when alice falls into the rabit hole in the disney version. more like ceriosity and with enough time to think about it. i like how you get to see the ones you left behind when you make this journey having all the things you wond like growing old. i like the feelings of love i get in that part. quite briliant. this poem is deep and although about choosing death its not sad. it has a hope to it that intregues me. i am as i said eariler not usually into this genera of poems but i must tell you thank you for braking the mold of those other poems and giving me something beautiful to read. i am more overjoyed to read that this is a fiction and that you are not the type to cut or tempt death. funny how when i wrote the quote i didnt think it would be moved to these ends. its rather a funny story when i think on the quote so its nice to see it take a slightly more macab and darker taint. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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