Science says, the universe fundamental
is too complex to be accidental.
There must be a guiding intelligence.
For this theory I allow indulgence.
Science says, of the universe extant,
man may know only a mere ten percent.
Could humans be so blithely arrogant
to think they comprehend the intent?
Let's make what we have the best that we can,
to live a kind life you needn't know the plan.
Far be it from us to praise or to blame,
or to whatever may be, knowledge lay claim
A contest entry
- Master by james119.
475 points, ended June 1, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
suggestions on rhythm, word choice,allusion,anyway to improve.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I think you might be a little confused about what 'science says'. First of all, science says that the complex universe was once a very simple universe, simple enough to have come about by chance. Simpler than anything which exists in our scope of knowledge (atoms, their components, and their components, and then components mathematically predicted but as yet invisible). Science also says quite explicitly that any complex guiding intelligence is an impossible explanation for a very, very simple universe in which consciousness happened much later than the beginning of time.
It is not arrogance which leads us to believe we can understand, but all those deductions and demonstrations we've done proving us right. And there is no intent.
The message of the last stanza is nice though, and the piece is enjoyably written. Just those science nits.
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This poem seems to argue for a 'middle' position. That one cannot claim to know the nature of 'God' or 'creative intelligence' is apparent to this reader. I read that having such limited knowledge, it would be arrogant to presume to understand what is outside our experience.
Some would call it agnostic, or neutral.
The rhyme scheme is a bit demanding, but handled with a casual flair.
The debate style argument is convincing and clear.
Thanks for entering. I will revisit before judging. -
I think your "take" on the contest prompt is quite brilliant and brilliantly executed. Your rhyme scheme is fine for me but I find the last two lines confusing and (to me) unclear. Nicely done.
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Thank you for your thoughtful comments. The gist of the last two lines is :
Don't blame God when things go badly, or think it's due to divine intervention when things go well. It's just entropy. The last line is just reinterating the idea that we don't know what or why things happen, it's dangerous to think we do.
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I liked it!
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Too* complex
Check line two.
Some definite food for thought.
We are such arrogant, self absorbed creatures.
Oh, I think only of the specks of dust, so insignificant to the whole of understanding of the room, let alone the world...
Such humans? Just particals in the body of the universe, perhaps useful and with meaning... yet no full knowledge of all will we ever understand how to understand.
OK, I'm done now...
Like the write much.
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*keeping in mind I love a fourteener*
and as my local dialect says 'dinnae listen to me!' -
it's a tongue-twister, anyway!
as a suggestion (on rhyme) another 2 lines would work for me, perhaps a play on the other 2 stanzas that are quite similar in rhyme? you know, "intelligence" "intent" "percent" & "indulgence" are quite similar compared to "can" "blame" "plan", Maybe I think it sounds left undone, without bringing it back to the original rhymes; I dunno, it's just my reaction
as for your content; no complaints! artfully worded, as well [edit/ yet I can't help thinking another 2 lines would help on a content level, as well]
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Great poem, I love the message in here. Good write.
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