Rising, falling waltz
Lead me across the floor
Soft pressure 'neath my shoulder
Our hands locked in frame
Turning- faster, faster
Blood rushes to the head
We park against a wall
Where curious kisses exploit me.
Flip a switch,
the room goes dark
I'm not ready
and I stall
While you push on--
Plead your name,
please no
You don't care
You tell me so.
It's apparent when you continue
Roughly, unlovingly
Until it's over.
Sharp peck on the cheek
"And, uh, thanks for that."
[While you're at it,
why don't you just slap my ass?]
Your apathy burns me
Glazing my eyes over
In an emotional death.
Corpse hands of a guarded self
write this, wishing for real love.
Author notes
Simply reflecting, it's been one hell of a year.
A contest entry
- Carpe Diem vs. Guard Your Heart by Arovell.
450 points, ended June 13, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Amazing
This poem caught my attention immediately, which is saying something, I'm a little ADD/brainfried, just fought my way through an english final). The quick transition from a waltz to a rape is really surprising--i think the juxtaposition enhances the refinery of one and the harshness of the other. I really didn't see anything necessary in the bracketed lines, though.
Overall, I thought it was powerful, and emotional impact is what I value most in a poem. It's lyric and free verse, but it still keeps its stablitiy with petic elements, imagery and shifting structure, which at to the tone, offer a glimpse into your head and heart. This is by far the strongest Guard Your Heart vote I've seen yet... and, leaving business for a moment, especially since it's "true." I'm so sorry this happened to you. Real love is out there. At least fifteen people in this world love you, even if it's not that way. Everybody has at least fifteen people. If that comforts you.
Thanks for entering, and keep writing.
~Arovell
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