passage through the wave
revise passage through the wave claws brushing the sand |
Author notes
Haiku
In a list
A contest entry
- Weekend Haiku by azure85.
600 points, ended May 28, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Great haiku and revision. There is a sensorial quality that I like about this.
-
-
Thank u
thank you for the wonderful comment given to my ku. Saddie23
-
-
passage through the wave
fell back three red backs emerged
claws brushing the sand
I like that you revised with myrataal's suggestions on her reading. This is a good set of images of the crabs in the sand, thank you so much.
-
-
thank u
thank u for the wonderful comments and I took myrataal's suggestions and revised. Glad u liked and the applaudes are good too. Saddie23
-
-
I liked this!
I felt like brushing the sand, too!
So cute!
Love
Myra -
-
thank u
thank u for the look over my ku and the wonderful comments given. Saddie23
-
-
Yes very visual ...
the tedious motion in wave and in sand ... We can learn from the crab: adapting to time and to tide.
You inspired me to do a version:
red spirals in waves
thrown upon the driftwood line
claws in crab-wise style
Love
Myra
-
-
thank u
Thank u for the comments given to my ku and applaudes. I like the spin to the ku, but have another look and see what u think. Saddie23
-
-
Exemplary
The longest marathon I ever ran was from a crab that just came out of the water. He ran after me like I owed him money!lol
Great haiku in my estimation! Good luck in your contest!
John
-
-
thank u
thank u for the comments and the applaudes given to my ku. Was he a crab shark lol. Saddie23 -
-
No, he was what we called a Jersey Blue Crab, very protective you might say!lol
Again, good luck with the ku, it ain't bad!!! -
-
thanks
Thought would put that out there. Thanks for the luck too. Saddie23
-
-
-
-
I like it!
I love sand crabs, except when I'm trying to picnic on the beach...they won't leave me alone! I think you did an awesome job with the subject in Haiku!
Keep on penning!
-
nice image. Expressed well in a form that I rarely try. Nice job.
-
I love haiku and this is one of the best I've read. I really enjoyed the imagery in this one. Thanks for sharing
-
i kind of like "three red backs emerged", but "fell back" sort of spoils the effect. Maybe replace those two words with "in time," or... something. I dont read or write haikus very often but this one got me interested.
-
575 yes. But the rest
Not so good
And maybe
ungrammatical
to boot
I think
Oh yes baby.
Well totally.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
