Why does
head implode when it’s empty of you -
heart dance butterflies when I see you?
Thoughts raise a rebellion,
hands sign their own declaration of
independence,
eyes ignite and voice leave home
whenever you’re there.
I know how I want you
but
brain hates the rational
words won’t obey
mind ignores what I say
heart’s in control
and I’m no longer
me.
Author notes
you know that moment when nothing will do what you want because you're so overwhelmed? this really happens and it scares me! Followed advice - please let me know what you think, always appreciated.
Comments
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after reading nursechilly's comment, i tried reading the whole piece minus all the mys and i think it works. in fact adds so much more meaning because it's like the heart, head, eyes, hands, brain have all turned rebellious and are now entities independent of you.
if i may, i'll even go further and say that u try reading the last stanza without the because, and & just.
what do you think?
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just a few too many pronouns... but i think with some clever editing, you could make this a really tight snippet of thoughts. (only my thoughts of course - word overused - my!) lolol
many thanks for entering this contest
G.x
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