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Stifled

I feel your breath
raising hairs at the nape of my neck.
I can smell the cigerettes
familiar
like your arms
folded comfortably around my hips
as we hold hands in a perfect fit.

I feel your eyes
causing somersaults in my stomach
with a passion that settles deep
making it
Hard to breathe
for that moment when you look at me
and I see the love in your eyes.

Last night is what i live for
and this morning
breaks my heart
all over again

I still dream of your face
but these days
my chest is heavy with words
I thought I would have time to say

like,
I still love you.

Any good?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Kiss the girl--x
    August 21, 2008

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    bookmarked.

    this is my favourite that I've read by you so far, i love how its longer than everything else you've written.
    your imagery is as strong as ever.


  • BellaD
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A sweet and tender poem. I like it. Excellent wording such as
    I can smell the cigerettes
    familiar
    like your arms
    Some of the imagery in the first two stanzas threw me off a bit...perhaps it's me, but I got contradictory images in my mind as I read...first, I got a visual of a young woman with her lover standing behind her (the breath raising hairs on the nape of the neck) and folding his arms around her waist. Then the holding hands part which was okay (as in I could still fit this all together as physically possible) but looking into each other's eyes changes the imagery.
    Love the ending and how purely you express the regret involved in not getting the chance to tell someone you love them.
    Very nice poem.


  • GarneT
    July 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you have an amazing way of conveying raw, vulnerable emotion. I love it xx

  • Time focus on Me
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Alsome

    I feel your eyes
    causing somersaults in my stomach
    with a passion that settles deep
    making it
    Hard to breathe
    for that moment when you look at me
    and I see the love in your eyes.

    Last night is what i live for
    and this morning
    breaks my heart
    all over again

    I still dream of your face
    but these days
    my chest is heavy with words
    I thought I would have time to say

    like,
    I still love you.

    Hi, U have done a great job with this poem keep up the great work and keep da ink flowin. this is a wonderful write, U have great talent and its greatly expressed. bravo job


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sweet Charm

    This is very sweet. I am drawn to:

    "Last night is what i live for
    and this morning
    breaks my heart
    all over again"

    Really resonates for me this morning. Lovely!

1 - 5 of 5