-- Steven, your new book "The Brand" Is absolutely
brilliant! What the hell were you thinking?!
-- Well, ah, Mr... What was your name again?
-- I am Gono, from Rolling Stono, a Chilean affiliate
to Rolling stone magazine, but for the Latin people.
-- Oh, I see... Well Gono, ah, it's about the
Ultimate name brand. The quintessential trend
satiation. Basically, a pair of shoes that cures
your fear of being short, and white, egotistically.
A shirt that makes you feel confident and loved.
A hat that can be worn anyway imaginable, the
more ludicrous the better, with a velcro $ tag.
-- Good God Steven, you're a fucking nut job!
-- Excuse me?
-- Never Mind, how are the wife and kids? Great.
Steven, are you a homosexual?
-- What?
-- Okay, moving on, last night in my hotel room
after jerking off to an asian with a penis and tits
named LoHi. I channel surfed into "Silver Bullet"
Starring Corey Haim in a Wheel Chair
Werewolf killing tricycle flick that takes place
up in the mountains. Co starring, Gary Busey,
as a cool drunk Uncle with fireworks.
-- Did you like it?
-- Almost... Moving on Steven, what is the Ultimate
name "Brand" for you?
-- Oh, ah probably Smores crunch, and Duracell.
-- The copper top battery.
-- Yes.
-- Sell out Nerd.
-- What?
-- See that bird?
-- What bird?
-- The bird I like to throw up when I steal a cab
Ha! Ha! Anyway, So, is it true you're fucking Anne Rice?
-- Who?
-- Anne Rice.
-- No.
-- Would you?
-- Yes
-- Me too, okay moving on. What's next after promoting
the latest in what can only be called the luckiest stroke
of fictional domination ever struck by any author any where.
-- I'm thinking about buying a space craft.
-- To fly?
-- No. To fucking plum level, Yes fly, you
Chilean coke head.
-- Thank you, Where?
-- You know, just around. Peoples' backyards, small towns,
Hooters, you know, the usual U.F.O haunts.
-- I see.
-- Well then, avoid my neck of the woods.
-- Will do.
-- Right-o.
-- Okay. Next week, we will be talking to Peter Straub,
and he will be telling us why working with Mr. King
is a fucking nightmare whether you're dead or alive.
Just read the Black house as proof of that, Good grief,
until then, fuck off and go join a book club wankers.
Author notes
Written December 24th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Stephen King! Seen his movies, Read the Books! Enter! by WhiteGirl.
300 points, ended December 1, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This made me laugh really hard! You did an interesting turn on the contest thanks for entering!
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Haha. And the laughter continues!
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microwaved shredded glass in an enima would go down smoother than roadwork.
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Having read the wise-ass authors notes in a good portion of King's books, I'd say you did a fine job of portraying him. You're getting the clap for being creative, funny, and doing something I can stand to read. Not that this was difficult, it went down smoother than "Roadwork," anyhow.
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I agree with ed. this ended way too soon. Was expecting a really really long poem and looking forward to it. Oh well
tf -
I loved it. Ended too soon. I could have read this one all day.
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Oh my fucking word
I love Stephen King and you even threw in Anne Rice
Holding my stomach here roflma
Oh sweets I love love love this one
I think you should do one on the Vampire Lestat
I would love to see where that imagination takes you
Thanks for the laugh on this one
Now If I still toked on the old weed no telling where my thoughts where my mind would of taken me he he
Love love love it
Luv and hugs sweets
Susan~~~
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this is hillarious
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
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