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Trapped in a Merciless Sanctuary

A storm in your heart occurs
And you are thrown
Thrown into the deepest waves of despair.
A storm in your mind.
Nothing is ever the same again.
An earthquake in your heart,
Your conscience shatters.
May love bring you back.
But know, within this storm,
You never find it.
You lack everyone and everything.
And you have even lost yourself.
Lost yourself in the midst of nowhere.
With nothing to be seen and nowhere to be found.
Love abides not in your life, but right beside you,
A place that is unreachable.
Hell comes from the storm,
As the plates crack into a million pieces.
Stranded on a floating island of your heart,
You helplessly cling.
Shrieking mindlessly for help,
And yet, nothing in return.
Silence. The piercing sound you hear.
Silence.
Despite the roaring noise of the elements around you,
Silence. That's all you ever hear,
That's all you will ever get.
And you sink into the lands to never be found again.
A desired death, you finally lived.
Yet you were scared.
And the mere memory of you was wiped from the face of this earth.
Since the moment you were lost and trapped.
From now, until the ends of forever.

Author notes

This was something I wrote when I was in the Freestyle portion of AP. But I thought it was so good that I should try to recover it. And I did. So I ask, was it worth recovering?

A contest entry

Was this worth recovering?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • SiC
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    wow amazing write. thanks for depressing me. love the emotion and how it flowed and made me think.


  • SoftlyScreaming
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow... this was pretty depressing, but it has qualitys about it that you cant really find anywhere else.. its new, but classy.. someone so lost within themselves, and you wrote it to flow together.. i was inspired, lets hope it stays to memory.


  • Blumagicizhere
    June 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the way it looks like you carefully planned the poem adn how it's kind of telling a story of what it seems to me is a fight of the cold baring loneliness they once knew till the feeling of love overwhelmed them.

    I hope you do good in this contest man and I entered it too.
    I hope you have time to probably check out one of my poems :]


  • Lyrical Rain
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this and that is all I'm going to say. I think you know how good this poem is. Excellent job and good luck in my contest.


  • bananasfoster42
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the entry!


  • wonderbandalice
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, yes it was.
    I wasn't sure if I liked it or not throught the first half, but the second half convinced me. Very powerful, awesome. The last 15 or 20 lines especially. Great work!


  • Intricate Wordsmith
    June 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    plz re-read the rules in my contest


  • islekine gold member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is well penned...

    It could be even better...And you sink into the lands to never be found again.
    I prefer no "and"s in a poem...your flow would be smoother without...
    your imagery and message are wonderful..
    Best wishes..thanks for entering...
    Final score...in final notes..
    Write on!
    *PEACE*


  • reymysterio
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WHAT A WONDERFUL POEM

    IM SORRY I CANT POINT WHICH PARTS ARE GOOD OR BAD BECAUSE THERE ALL WONDERFULL

    CONGRATULATIONS GOOD LUCK ON YOUR ENTRY

1 - 9 of 9