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Pain,Darkness, and Flesh oh my

Darkness is blazing
As the light licks the bare flesh
Pain is there in sight

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • UnManned4Ever
    December 7, 2008
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    This is short but interesting. Well written and worded


  • azure85 gold member
    May 28, 2008

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    Darkness is blazing
    As the light licks the bare flesh
    Pain is there in sight

    A very dark haiku, but very descriptive-it could have multiple meanings. Thank you so much.


  • rin-macabre
    May 26, 2008

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    rawr

    short and simple, but good. you did crazy good, even with only 3 lines. light licks, darkness blazing, it sounds kind of emo, but it is very good.


  • Mrs. Mautino
    May 26, 2008

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    I remember my first Haiku...everyone kept bashing it lucky for you i am nice XD
    But for you, i'll try to be constructive. "Darkness is blazing", good line, yet the next one is "as the light licks the bare flesh" seems to be the opposite. It's good, don't get me wrong, but it seems to not flow with it correctly. When you talked about the light, were you speaking of the "light" that darkness gives off? If so, then that makes sense as for the next line "pain is there in sight" it seems to be almost thrown in there. I thought that there would be anoter line of dark and light, since they seem to contrast, but that is just my take on it . But overall, i think you did pretty well considering your writer's block for a while Good luck in the contest, AJ


  • Nephlim
    May 26, 2008

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    Short, but really good AJ . I loved the second line! Very vivid
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly

1 - 5 of 5