Abandoned

I've always been abandoned
Shuned
Stranded.

Ever since my dad left my mom and I to rot
When I was born
I've always fought.

We made it through, but I'm growing
and I'm learning what heartbreak is like
And it's been showing.

I couldn't take the mental abuse.
Being left over and over...
At one point I was saying, "Living... what's the use?"

But a few nights ago I had a dream
I was so alone, abandoned by everyone,
it was hopeless as it seemed.

I was being put down, told I was stupid
that I was worthless.

I held onto bars of black,
and cried
for I was very little, three to be exact.

I told you I couldn't remember who,
but someone came and picked me up
Softly spoke good things, almost cooed.

That person made me feel like I wasn't so worthless anymore
Even though I could hear people put me down,
That person made me feel wanted, that I wouldn't be left... thats when I was sure.

I was sure it was you who picked me up,
who soothed my aching heart in that tiny torn up body
the three year old, I know I probably am, all tucked
up inside.

My mom always told me I was worth the world
All I could ever do was nod
and tell myself she was lying, then cry into my curls.

But ever since you came along,
I've found my ryhtem
my place in this song.

I love you
and I just wanted you to know

I love you so much more than you know
than you could possibly imagine
So much more than I can show

I can't fit it into words,
not even thoughts.

Its an emotion inside,
one that I've never felt before,
and thats saying something.

For once I don't feel like I'll be abandoned
I feel like I'm actually worth something.
I don't feel shattered or shunned
anymore.

I give you my heart and soul to take with you
where ever you go,
I've never given my soul, so it's still new
ready for you

But my heart, oh my heart...
If you could see it, you would see how broken, how shattered it is.
How many times I've tried to fix it,
and how many times I've failed to do so.

How many holes are there in it now?
I can't count.
How many stiches?
How many wounds?

If only you could see how tormented my heart has been...
Thats why I am slowly handing it over
Please take care of it.

Please don't leave any more holes
or wounds
stiches
or empty spots
Please no more of the pain
abandonment
worthlessness
weakness
or sobbing

I love you
more than I've loved any other
and thats a fact.

So I'm trusting you, not to break my heart or tear my soul to shreds.
Without them I'd be nothing...

So take them with you when you go....
My love<3