swirling colors
sweet silent golden light
its my last sunset
of bloodred hues
before i leave
to the place with no earth
no sky or light
sweet desolation
sweet pain, sweet nothing
such a hopeless peace
so much to lose
all of it painted
with sweet painless colors
that hold nothing
but my hopes
my dreams and my soul
showered in blood
my blood
my love
all in
my last sunset
Author notes
its very rough, but i like it.
A contest entry
- WHATEVER by tarcus.
400 points, ended September 13, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything – and something specific! by Beating.
425 points, ended September 3, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think about it?
Comments
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However harsh I might find the other comment left on this poem, I think you should listen to what it says, as that poet is quite correct.
Other than that, I agree with your notes - it's very rough, and I like it too. I found myself pulled into this feeling of just wanting to get everything over with. I suspect that you were refering to death, but I think you can analyse this poem in more than one way, and I liked that. Good job! -
I can forgive the miss spelling of colours as you are no doubt American and in pain.
However I can not abide any author who believes that I is i.
Nor can I forgive the none capitalisation of the primary word within a piece of work.
One assumes by the subject matter that this is how the author thinks of "WHATEVER"
It is unfortunate that it is not how I think of "WHATEVER"
One may also like to re-work 'bloodred' into blood red.
'bloodred' reminds one of a character in a norse epic rather than the colour of blood.
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