Never thought I'd see the day
When you didn't care that I was saying "NO"
You hurt me more than physically
Didn't think you'd sink that low
Never thought there would come a time
That I saw hatred within your eyes
And when you would "hold" me in anger
As you ignored my painful cries
Never thought that you would leave marks
Not from love, upon my skin
As you were forcing me to be still
So that you could push on in
Never thought that you could do something
So EVIL and completley VILE
Didn't think that being a PUNK
Was exactly your kind of style
Never thought there would come a time
That I would stop loving you
But, because you "TOOK" what wasn't yours
It was the easiest thing to do
Author notes
I recently went through a tramatic experience with someone that meant EVERYTHING to me! It was harder than the first time to deal with. But I'm ok now. At least I think I am! I still have moments of depression, but, I have someone wonderful and understanding in my life that is there for the bad as well as the good moments. Because of that there are alot more good than bad!
A contest entry
- D - A - R - K by skilter.
877 points, ended September 13, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Thought You Had Me? by shysky.
550 points, ended October 28, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I understand this more than a lot of people would be able to do. I understand it and I understand that the victim holds the power to stop others from taking over her life.
He never really "had" you.
Incredible piece. -
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Most people don't realize that rape isn't about sex, at least not very often, it's about control and power. It's difficult but, if you take that power/control (of your life) back you stand a better chance of working past it! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
~DAWN~
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great write! thank you for entering!
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Thank you!
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Dear, this is a very traumatic piece. I cannot understand things like this and I am so glad that you had left that part of your life behind, or are trying to. This piece read so woefully. Noone who had not been there can claim to understand the pain and emotinally trauma experience, but I am sure people do deeply understand from the read, the pain in some way. Very well done.
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Thank you so much for your comment! Even though I don't think one can ever really get over something of this nature, I am moving past it. I have a wonderful and patient man in my life that is understanding beyond words! With him I am learning to trust and put my fear aside again! Again, thank you!
~DAWN~
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i'm sorry you were in such an abusive relationship, but i'm very pleased to hear you had the strength and the courage to get out of it! most girls today don't.
thanx for sharing this experience with me! i enjoyed reading this! -
Glad the suggestions helped in some places. Only thing I noticed was "completly" (insert an "e" after the "l") - a typo that's all.
I've a "Winter & Xmas Wishes/Secrets/Dreams" contest running, if you're inspired toward entering something - there's a limit of min 12 lines, max 20 lines for each poem, but all the rules/contest criteria is laid out on the contest page. Could be a wonderful chance for you to turn away from the darker side of life's coin, and write of the light in your life
Would love to see an entry from you
Stu -
Hi DML
I thought I'd return the favour and read one of your pieces Naturally I cannot claim to have "enjoyed reading" this, due to its subject-matter, but the content did hold its own resonance for me, and I felt you handled the topic well as a rhyming piece - it tended to flow naturally and did not feel forced, nor did the poem's subject lose itself to the rhyme structure (which can often happen).
The poem expresses issues which both males and females experience. Abusive relationships and such negative human experiences are not as uncommon as some might consider. Where there is darkness, though, there is always a light ... or hope for light. Having read your AP Profile, I would believe your light lies equally within an inner-strength, and in your children. I hope these experiences are now firmly belonging to your past, and that a pleasant New Year is coming your way
A few editorial suggestions (if you wish for them):
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1) Remove "that". It will smoothen the line somewhat.
Line 3) Consider using "merely" rather than "just", as in this line you have a number of words beginning with "m", so this would add to the rhythm.
Stanza 2, 3rd Line) Consider a more aggressive word than "touch", as "touch me in anger" doesn't really convey the intensity of this line's subject matter. A "stronger word" would make a positive difference here.
Final Stanza) "That I totally stopped loving you" ... consider "When I'd stop loving you" (better metre, and grammar).
Hope you don't mind the above input.
Best wishes,
Stu
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Thanks, Stu! You know I've always welcomed your suggestions! I did take them to heart, following some of them and changing some my way. This is a hard one for me to change at the moment as it's still so fresh. And, yes, my daughters are the light in my darkness! They are the beats of my heart!
Please check out my changes and let me know what you think.
~DAWN~
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That's wonderful. Such a sad poem. I hope you're both emotionally and physically healed.<3
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Thank you! And yes I healed now. At least as much as I'll ever be because I don't know if you can ever completly heal from something like that. You just learn to move past. Thank you so much for commenting!!!!
~DAWN~
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wow, very very powerful poem!
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Thank you!
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Superb
Wow, you have my empathy. There is no excuse for abuse.
Imagery, rhythm and rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Again, well done. -
These are powerful words. You have a good strong voice and a very nice rhythm. I'm sorry for wohatever pain you must have went through, that sounds awful. Keep on writing when your emotions get you down, you'll come out of it a much more profound and stronger person for it. You learn who you really are as the words pour out of you, like a compass to the soul..
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It's good rhymes scheme, and I like the thoughts and emotions in this. Great job and Good luck in the contest. Keep writing from pain and through hard experiences, because that's what makes you better
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I understand completely. Though I've never been in this situation exactly I can sympathize with the pain you must have felt when someone you betrays you. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. I do appreciate it very much.
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Very powerful
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Very powerful
I think this is a very powerful poem, it's very sobering. Well done for having the courage to write about something that painful. I'm glad you have someone wonderful now :-) -
I'm glad you are doing better. This poem is really nice. I almost felt your pain.
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Thank you so much for commenting!!
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