Winding through
hills of Lake Country,
I wake and drowsily
look out a window -
apple trees ripple from
the highway's headboard,
two arms of dawn
rest on white linens,
here is my old bed
signaling home.
A contest entry
- favourite things PIF by Nicolette.
1200 points, ended June 1, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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do things like, "highway's headboard" just pop into your head? please enlighten me; what's it like to have a mind like that? you must fascinate yourself all the time.
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Simply stunning. From one poem to the next you do a wonderful job. Nothing else to say. No critiques coming from this direction that's for sure.
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I really enjoy reading this as a 'loop' (like a sound loop) One can just jump in and be carried along
I love the Okanogan Valley.
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fine metaphor
Not a wasted word.
Luvigt.
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I love the nostalgic feel here, made even more wonderful by the image of returning home. Wonderful!
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i liked it ...beautiful and refreshing like the dawn itself....
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thanks for reading my poetry
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Ooooh adore the line
two arms of dawn... Very creative mind you have.
Congrats on the new shiney.
Delila
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I think this is the first poem I have read in a long time which so well merges waking with dreams, the first second you wake up ... has these truths. I love the apples on the sign, and the dawn on linen ...
I love this poem. It made me think. It is brilliantly colorful in its peaceful, wistfullness.
brave
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amazing imagery in this and such a feeling of comfort and calm in the overall piece.
you captured that feeling of just waking so beautifully the experience of the poem itself feels like waking warmly: I love "apple trees ripple from the highway's headboard" especially. Beautiful. - Mary Jo
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Perfect Personification ...
Congratulations on your HM, Tara ... You have such a gentle soul. So sublime a picture you've painted.
Love
Myra
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Beautiful!
Your writes are so dreamy!
Peace, Timothy
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This is beautiful.
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such a good poem...
al
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Beautiful write...sleepy thoughts are always so wonderful...smiles
many blessings
best wishes with this entry...
~A~
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I like your sleepy write, waking the rippling orchard as two shafts of dawns light rests on your bed.
Marlene -
Very beautiful...
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Wow, you are very very talented. I see why you got all those clappies! Poetic, great choice of words... all around a "wow" poem! I appreciate you taking time and sharing it with us and best of wishes in the contest!
--Tim -
Ah, this reminds me of childhood security...
Good luck in the contest. -
My only criticism about this particular poem is the strange spacing at the end and the huge lettering of the piece. I understand that some people like flash to their poetry and nothing wrong with that. I think it is just fine without the space by the end and just lovely not all blown up. Thought I'd mention it.
Seen you around some of my favorites of late and thought I'd stop by and I am muchly glad I did. The "two arms of dawn rest on white linen" imagery was intense and who doesn't like a careful implication for good detail.
I think this is whimsy and elegant and poetry should carry a sound in its pocket. This does. Yes.
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you know..I am still not really happy with this one
Any other suggestions you would have would be greatly considered...
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Oh you brought the poem all together now. No more separations...Mmmmm...There was never anything wrong with the line breaks though, it was just the large unneeded space at the end and the strange font. Maybe it seems strange to you because the poem is so reflective upon you as the writer...Like a little note to the self. But honestly I don't think I can give you any more advice that would be significant from what I've already said. Could be the piece just seems awkward to you in places? I know sometimes I dislike things that others love so I wouldn't tinker around with anything too much as you don't want to lose the experience of the poem.
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I actually like it a little better now. thanks
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You're welcome.
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LOL - thanks for your comment, I just did that today in fact,...will go back to my original font then.
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Well glad to be of help. You didn't have to listen to me though. Just advice. Could have easily slapped me. I have a few marks on my cheek from such things.
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Beautiful write, ardentmarch. I just found a very old comment on my profile page welcoming me to Allpoetry.. You said that you lived in the Okanagan. I recently moved here from the Kootenays, so thought it fitting to come read your writing again!
You have gorgeous visuals in this poem.. Probably made a little more so since I have experienced them first hand! hehe. I enjoyed the ending as well.. Strong finish to a short and wonderful write. Thank you for sharing it. -
Your visuals are soft, yet sharp. Wonderful diction and use of metaphor. A lovely piece ... it feels like 'going home' ... a comfort! ~Elizabeth
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There seems to be a calmness about this piece. it might be the "coming home" aspect, or the beautifully placed "drowsily look" that makes this rather languid, like a long strech of muscles after that long ride. This is easy to read and absorb. Nice light touch! Geo
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i spent so much of my life trying out new places, but every time i come home, it feels.... well, like home. perhaps not my favourite place. perhaps something more. i really love this. oddly enough, it reminds me of anne of green gables. another blast from the past.
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I've never been on a bus (except for tours overseas, lol) but this poem allowed me to travel with you and see the window-pictures through your eyes.
Loved the "two arms of dawn" - beautiful. I was wondering if you need the "the overnight express" - I would delete that line or perhaps work it into the previous lines. But other than that, Tara, a poem that really makes itself sit in the eye....looking "forward".
Thank you for this lovely entry.
~ Nicolette
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I can picture being on the bus and seeing the landscae go by. Excellent
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I mainly remember being uncomfortable when I took greyhound.
Nice scenery here.
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I feel exactly like that when I'm about to land in Rio. Just by looking out of the small window, see the familiar sight from above, I can almost smell the scent of my old bedroom, which I still call mine, my only true bed.
Thanks for letting me see and feel it again through your words
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Yeaah...the smell of old inviting bed and all smells and sounds of home. We mostly do not need too many things to be happy. Even the smell of the hometown air is different. Youth has its own rules. Home is there where ones heart belongs. Nice, so nice dear friend.
~Sonja~
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Wonderful. Its those kind of things that we associate with family and simple happiness that have no material grounding that produce such great familiar feelings in poetry. God, I love the way you write March.
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You bring back memories with this! I love the valley! Its beauty is unrivaled and so is your poem! I loved this!
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These last two lines are going to be added to my mental list of favorite endings ever.
'apple trees' make tasty imagery. ^.^
~Cassie
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two arms of dawn
rest on its white linen
damn you are good...lol
Becky
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there are few things as satisfying as returning home to feel the warmth of familiarity. A very beautiful and enjoyable read.
Rory
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Ah, homecomings are truly a poetic moment indeed; this is lovely and so serene Tara, thank you.
Best of luck in the contest dear.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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Oh, this makes me homesick. I am headed that way the end of June...I can not wait the smell, the sight, the senses of home.
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That's cute, Tara.
You painted a vivid imagery in this write.
Its always wonderful to be back home.
Good luck in this contest.
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Like this Tara. Felt like I was there with you looking at the orchard.
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Beautifully written dear Poetess, the imagery is poetry in motion, the emotion is felt as if, as if there is a completeness, a contentment, a pleasure to journey along this express route through your eyes.Especially liked "two arms of dawn rest on white linen" Bravo.
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Those images we have of returning home are always so vivid and so beautiful... this is just lovely
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Wonderful imagery... I could see you waking sleepy eyed and the slow smile spreading across your face as you saw you were nearly home. Bravo!
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this is a beautiful poem about a wonderful memory...good luck in the contest.
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Beautiful imagery...a wonderful memory to have.
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Such a beautifully penned memory here. Each line is detail of wonderful imagery that allowed me to be there. A most enjoyable read. I wish you the best in the comp
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Ogopogo says she likes this very much. i do too. -kamyfish
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LOL...OMG...you know of the Ogopogo?...
that's cool
and thanks
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i know everything watery.
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this poem is very very good for it is original and it is also absolutley full of details which is also very good. loved it.
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hah, I can identify with the bus rides home, college seemed like time punctuated by how much i had changed between those rides, we change so quickly during certain times...well done, this resonates with me...PK
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"two arms of dawn
rest on its white linens"
This is lovely, Tara- a sense of beautiful nostalgia in this one... how beautifully you present your memories Good luck in Nic's contest.
- namita
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Aww.....................................
this feels like a Cross stitch sampler. I can just feel the linens.
Home Sweet Home. Nicely done.
Paul
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