I walk alone,
Traveling through the valleys of Greece,
Where the ancient one’s once did roam.
Over fields I traverse,
To the lone runic stone,
To the place I have come to make peace.
Long ago, in the gardens of Babylon,
‘twas I who opened the gates,
For the flood of the enemy to erase,
The control of that wretched place.
High up, on the walls of the great city, Uruk,
‘twas I that felled the mighty half-god.
Gilgamesh took his sword to the strongest beasts,
In the end, died so easily.
I walk alone,
Traversing the valleys of Greece,
Over the meadows forever green.
I walk in my shame,
To the lone runic stone,
Where Raziel may grant me my peace.
“It is I, the one called betrayal,
And I have seen the mightiest slain!
I once walked in the valley of shadows,
To test the those without faith.
I have been the sword at the back of kings,
I have ended all that have reigned,
To this day, I have not forgotten a face,
Nor a word, such a cursed grace…
Now I beg thee, forgiveness of a sinner,
Who doth not deserve such a glance, nor and open ear.
Allow me such a light to travel through all my days,
So that I may not live in engulfing fear!”
I stand alone,
At a stone in the valleys of Greece,
And there shines such a blessed light.
The horizons fade,
As the earth is torn away,
This is the end of all my days.
A contest entry
- Impromptu by x Gemini x.
525 points, ended June 11, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Thank you for entering my contest.
As it happens, Greece is one of my most favorite places on Earth...
It's amazing how you took the word and applied it as so. Unique perspective. Very inspiring. Wonderful use of rhyme, vocabulary, and flow. Very visual...with some nice history
The only thing that caught me a bit was that you use words like "doest", which should change the tense of other words (ie "deserve" -> "deserveth")...or maybe that's just me?...O.o...
Lovely
-
-
I believe, origionally, I meant to write a different word. I'll fix it, and the 'deserve' is the only thing that fits with the song, as I played it, and sang it.
But, thank you for pointing that out.
Also, I'm glad you like it. ^_^
-Saint
-
-
Very deep write.
Truely 'engulfing' I was really into this poem, very interesting topic, I hope your 'gods' answer the prayers, you had a very rich story line going, you should turn this into a short story, or even a long one. I liked this a lot, makes me want to find out what happened next. good luck.
-
Epic and ambitious. An excellent and enjoyable write. Very well done. Perfect phrasing. A depth of detail brings this story to life.
-
-
Honestly, I still have no idea where this came from.
I just wrote without thinking.
I love epics like the Epic of Gilgamesh, though.
I'm glad you like it,
And thank you.
-Saint
-
-
Nice job. It is apparent that you have an appreiciaton and an understanding of the class epics. You have referenced them niclely here.
-
-
Aye,
The Epic of Gilgamesh is still one of my favorites.
Personally, I have no idea where this poem/song came from, but I am glad you like it.
Thank you.
-Saint
-
-
I like this one...
I really like this one.
I'm not exactly sure what it is about it as a whole that got it's hook dug in me, but as I read this I could see and feel each image and emotion.
It was almost as if I could hear the thoughts being played out in the mind, someone talking to themself or perhaps telling the fianl tale of their days moments before it ends. All the way through you kept my attention but this one stanza, well it is the one that grabbed me most;
'“It is I, the one called betrayal,
And I have seen the mightiest slain!
I once walked in the valley of shadows,
To test the those without faith.'
I think what did it here was the reference and mention of the valley of shadows. The way you penned this just grabbed me. Excellent writing here hun!
Bel
-
Your word is:
Engluf
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
