red autumn
the apples are in and cider is aching to
reach for the tongue
never a straight line
nature flows over the limiting table
light freckles high points like
pins on a tapestry
stars blushing early, at sunset
bread and fresh vegetables flatter the crop but,
alone,
the mysterious pear waits at the centre,
conjures the circle of colour fed shadows –
there is nothing to eat, here,
nothing to drink
nothing but sorcery dressed up as art...
back in the real world
sauntering autumn lets its bandanna
smack in the breeze like a flag –
with bright harvests gathered
and wine bottles drained
blue summer is beaten,
its blood running thin in the rain
never a straight line
it snaps at the banks as it
seeks out the ocean,
flows to the siren where,
green as the pear
and just as adept with its magic,
the mediterranean conjures a meal
then moans like a scavenger
wiping its lips on the sleeve of the shore
In a list
A contest entry
- Response to still life Allpoetry. Sponsored by Winklings. #90. by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended June 26, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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There's a lot going on here (in a good way). Your images and word choice really conjure the image of autumn.
I'm not sure what's going on in lines 4-5. Also, I would drop 16 completely, since you're sort of fading in and out of literal and figurative language throughout and I don't think you need to explicitly tell the reader where you're going.
I adore the last three lines especially. They have a really good sound and lend a powerful image to the end of the poem. Well done.
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The cider aches for the tongues, hmm. compelled to magick.
I was sad to see this end and more sad that it felt exactly like that, an ending. Where is this siren, this pear? I wish to find and follow her.
sometimes the featured box reveals a gem.
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This is utter poetry from beginning to end. i could offer no suggestion for this amazing sheet of color, image, scent and taste. You have penned a masterpiece.
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wow!! great!!
what excellent freewrite form. this poem speaks to me. its saying many things.
among those things it is saying:
"dont you change a thing"
it is good -
Great poem. I love the imagry. I would try to add some punctuation to the peice. One thing that many forget when writing is to make the words look good, Puncuation and Capitalization make the peice look complete, and can make a big difference in reading it. Great Write.
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not sure about the repetition of red autumn straight after your title...
never a straight line - yes, excellent
stars blushing early, at sunset - beautifully done
sauntering autumn - again, very nice (unlike Winter, which hasn't so much sauntered, but star-jumped straight in, where I live anyway lol)
last line - sweeet
well-deserving of the gold I definitely think. Congratulations
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Nicely done. I liked the flow of this piece and the tone that you set.
never a straight line
it snaps at the banks as it
seeks out the ocean,
flows to the siren where,
this part was my favorite. Well done, well thought out, I enjoyed it all the way through.
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Welllll...of COURSE ya got the gold, Peter. Ron knows his po'try, for certain. Beautifully done, my Friend. Since I can't "officially" applaud you again, let's pretend, shall we? 
*sustained standing ovation*
P.S. Autumn IS my favorite season, after all. I was born the day after it began. On a Wednesday. "Wednesday's child is full of woe", ya know. I asked my mom if she knew I was gonna be a Poet & she just chuckled.
I'm a Libra, born & bred. My middle name is Lea, my last name starts with "Bra". I worked in a LIBRAry for 12+ years. Besides that, my name, "Wanda Lea", means "weary wanderer". I just can't help myself.
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and I am a dark pisces... forever uncertain. well, i think so. but i might be wrong. or not.....
g -
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Wellllll...my ex & my late sweetheart were both Pisces, if that tells ya anything.
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I like the opening, and the phrase 'sorcery dressed up as art' - and the ending too, actually.
I feel like there's a bit too much of it - that it could do with some cutting. I won't suggest where - it's not that there's anything I don't like; you've got a lot of striking images, it's just that I think if you keep just a few of them, we could focus on them more. But overall I really like this; it's quite haunting, and beautiful, if in a strange way; keeps you reading.
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A Very Beautiful Write
This write is very well written. It offers a mystical feel, as well as natural properties. It flows well, and your chosen words are exquisite. It is taken like a fine wine; like a lover; a friend.
My only suggestion, is perhaps you could format it a bit different to help the flow along. Some parts seemed inhibited and restricted. Others were chalk-full of imagery, rich in metaphor.
A definite piece that will be enjoyed by many.
Brilliant. Adding to favorites list.
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intelligent
Oh it's so good to read such an intelligent poem loaded with startling images and well-chosen poetic devices. Just as with all good poetry, there is depth here and the images and details give the readers plenty of space to move and revel in contemplation.
I love the personification in the wonderful opening stanza:
red autumn
the apples are in and cider is aching to
reach for the tongue
and also in this line:
stars blushing early, at sunset
I love food so i enjoyed having it as a metaphor in this sensual poem which on the surface may be about the season of autumn. And below the surface? I'm not sure, but perhaps its not just about the magic of nature. There is something disturbing about this poem, somewhat of an edge of desperation in it. But desperate for what - love, companionship?
Excellent work, well deserving of a gold trophy.
Very best of poetic wishes to you,
Myron.
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On the edge...
Many thanks for your kind comments!
An edge of desperation... Hmmm... You've got me thinking about that, now - I didn't realize it was there! But that's what I love about poetry, as opposed to fiction. Every reader is given the freedom to take something different out of it - or put something into it!
Best,
pastiche
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Definitely gold!
Your poetry is always so full of amazing images. It's as if you have a magic wand that zaps just the right words onto the page. I especially like the bandanna lines, the "aching" cider, and the final lines. THEY are fantastic.
I love this. Congratulations! ~ Joyce
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magic? i think not...
Thanks for your kind comments here. Much appreciated!
Funnily enough, it is the bandanna lines that I feel the most satisfied with - but something is still niggling at the back of my mind that, perhaps, they belong to another poem... I'm sure you know what I mean when it comes to judging your own work...
The only 'wand' that I have comes in a bottle marked "headache relief"! lol
Best, p
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nice write for the prompt . . liked "nature flows over the limiting table" and "wiping its lips on the sleeve of the shore" . . well done and congrats on the trophy
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Like Pamela, I ask
Where does one begin?
I have copied this out just to read over and see something a little different or more wonderful each day in your creation of three worlds: yours; your response to the art; your treatment of rural life in the real world.
This is a poem that has to be sent somewhere offline into a poets' contest in UK, Australia, USA, Canada.
We want you in Winklings if you are not here yet!
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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There are so many wonderful lines in this piece I barely know where to begin, but I will say your ending couplet gave me the "aha" moment beautifully.
This is just a delight to read and enjoy and a piece that should be read quietly, with open mind and gentle thoughts in order to be properly absorbed.
All this from an image. Excellent. An impressive and beautiful work. Thank you for a lovely entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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YUMMY
I adore your cider imagery and the entire concept of the write. What a wonderful take on fall, and all it's glory. You have captured one fine picture in my mind. And I love it! GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER WAY -
Excellent
As pompous as it is to use absolutes when speaking about another's work, the last nine lines were inarguably the best. The opening of the last real stanza was like the euphoria that rolls in after a glass of wine. The wine is nice, but the intoxication is the REAL reason one drinks - true for me anyhow. What I'm really trying to say is, very powerful finish.
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"the mediterranean conjures a meal
then moans like a scavenger
wiping its lips on the sleeve of the shore"
Stunning & profound work, Scribe. Good luck in Ron's contest, my Friend. Wanda
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