~
I love you
...without.
Within essence
of blood orange light
and fidelity to candid precision,
God sees
the gifts of charity
that spark
from your fingers,
fingers that
beckon to shoal
at your waters.
He sees…
smiling star
fruits
exposed as
you expand and
coax the meadow
to pop to
painted poesy,
and charter
courses
of excursions to excellence.
I hear your beautiful voice...
a cappella.
~
A contest entry
- Naked by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended June 3, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I really like this, but for me the poem begins is:
Within essence
of blood orange light
and fidelity to candid precision,
God sees
the gifts of charity
that spark
from your fingers,
fingers that
beckon to shoal
at your waters.
He sees
smiling star
fruits
exposed as
you expand and
coax the meadow
to pop to
painted poesy,
and charter
courses
of excursions to excellence.
not sure the prolog and epilog is needed here
a very nice entry regardless, thanks so much...
al -
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That's interesting AJ, the way two people can have the exact opposite reaction. Here was Delaney's comment:
"'I love you....without.' You got me with the first line But it is the ending line that truly made me tingle. Your poetry has grown richer...This poem is worth remembering for a long long long time. Love, Lane"
Paul
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art is so subjective, but i don't disagree... i also like the opening and closing, but see it as the seeds of another poem...
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paulcreates
This is really beautiful Imagery is as well.Good luck with it.
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this is excellent...I love this..I can really feel it go beyond physical nakedness...into quite a spiritual realm of sensuality & love..this is so lovely, Paul
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Thank you Tara. You've described exactly the meaning I was after here.
Paul
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Bravo!
Oh my what an impact. Truly one of the best pieces of poetry I have read from you. Excellent.
"smiling star
fruits
exposed as
you expand and
coax the meadow
to pop to
painted poesy, "
These lines are unique and fresh and set imagery into bare motion. Wonderfully alive and free.
Well done. ~Pamela
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Thank you Pam. You know me, I prefer not to follow a worn path.
This poem was meant to go deeper than skin. You cannot see a star fruit,s "star" until it's opened up.
Deliberately loosing myself within the woods is not all that disconcerting and, as a matter of fact, is quite enjoyable.
Paul -
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I could not agree more.
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One of your finest Paul...
lovely and moving.
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Your comment is so gracious. Thank you Amera. it's so gratifying to write and get others to "see" what I'm "seeing".
Paul -
Coming from you, a glittering star of the free write, I am humbled. Thank you Kathleen, for reading and commenting.
Paul
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I'm a sucker for love poems and this is beautiful in more ways than one. As your statement of faith sounds in this poem I also believe that God brings two people together.
Love,
Amera
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The first and last lines were my favorite parts. Everything in between is wonderful as well. This is great.
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Thank you very much for your comment crazymomma.
Paul
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"I love you....without." You got me with the first line
But it is the ending line that truly made me tingle. Your poetry has grown richer...This poem is worth remembering for a long long long time. Love, Lane
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Wow!!! Paul...
this is excellent...
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