The world is crumpling
Outside the sturdy walls
Of my carefully constructed
Childlike wonder.
Life in the eye of the storm
Is calm, oblivious
Until
The devilish winds hone in,
Huff and puff,
Blow my life down.
And the driving rains
Follow, to flood me
Hammer me to the core
With darkened tolls of experience.
I’m worldly and of the world
Where I find that not all
Happiness lasts forever,
And that the one with bricks
Will break, same as straw or sticks.
Ashes, ashes, all fall down.
I do, again and again
Losing hope, and reasons for standing up.
When I discover
That this new found, profound emptiness
Is O.k.
And can only be filled.
A contest entry
- Poet's Choice IV by Luna Tique Fringe.
1750 points, ended June 1, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
i think it sounds like you just wrote your thoughts down. and i love it ! its so honest...
its like constructive rambling
-
Lines 1-10 are very strong...after that, not so much. Honestly, I think you could stop there...but I would add a line space after line 4. The only other suggestion is to not capitalize the beginning of each line...oh, and I would consider changing the title to
"Ashes, ashes, all fall down"
'The world is crumpling
outside the sturdy walls
of my carefully constructed
childlike wonder.
Life in the eye of the storm
is calm until devilish winds
huff and puff,
blow my life down.'
Thanks for entering.
Adding your comment:
