I found my love under a rock
In the backyard of my mind
With bare feet, I'll load then cock
Although I'm shooting blind
It was that reckless attitude
Those chances I would take
I should have shown more gratitude
When they warned me of the snake
'Stead I frolicked mad, in rapture
While flipping over stones
A worm was coiled and poised to capture
The rolling of my bones
My head swings low, so set the sun
These holes bled slow, the snake has won.
Author notes
An Abuade
Written December 24th, 2003
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1 - 11 of 11
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This is really good. Really it is but I had the problem understanding it. It took me a while to figure it out. It flows well and everything but I think it is kinda confusing. Thanks for entering. Later.
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Lovely! This flows very well. I actually thought it was about something else, something darker. I didn't quite grasp the concept until you threw in the snake. That was kind of one of those "Ummm, wait, what does this have to do with anything?" things. Oh well, I guess i'm slow at things. Other than that, great write!
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Very good use of words and symbolisms.
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Bravo!
I really like it, it has nice immagery, and symbolism in it, and alot of emotion, the only thing I would have to say i didn't like, was that a few parts seemed forced. But I liked it as a whole. Bravo! -
This got me laughin, trully it did, at first I was mad cuz i thought that you were going to hurt the snake, but then it won!! yah for the snake, but I do have to say that you will be disqualified, if by the time I judge, which will be on Monday, you don't follow the rules, meaning to put the two titles of the other two poems in this contest that you commented on in your arthurs comment, thank you. And thank you for entering in my contest and good luck to you!
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Reallly fucking good
Somehow "gratitude" seems out of place...
But then I read this as a rhapsody(probably the wrong word, rapture? psalm?) of sorts, in which at the end, the snake (or love that was found under the rock) triumphs, despite your attempts to kill it.
on second thought, perhaps gratitude is apt afterall
Edited on Nov 10, 6:39 p.m. because ''. -
Wow... thats definitely going to have me coming back to decipher it when I'm not rushing through things lol... Best of luck! ~Kels~
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Hey again horus8,
Wow- interesting use of words. I really enjoyed the vivid images that you have created for your readers. Nicely written!!! Thank you so much for entering you work, and good luck in the contest!!!
~Christine~ -
EEEEE. Death to a snake!! That's very original. I love poetry about death, hardyhar.
This was great! I wish you would've read the rules though, so you'd know that I can't judge this, but nevertheless thanks for entering, because it was a pleasure reading this =D
Ilse -
great poem, nice flow of words, I really like the way it read. Thanks for you comments on my poem Renae's on Life Support Please pray for her. I know she's not dead and I'm praying that she will survive but I also cannot go against Gods will. The reeason for this poem is not for me but to flood the gates of heaven for Renae. I do believe in miracles and I am keeping faith that one will happen for Renae.
Thanks and God Bless YOu
Bertie -
Wow, the story line, voice and message are quite well done in this.
I enjoyed the phrase "Backyard of my mind".
I must say you have a way with words and meter in this piece, and the rhyme works well also.
WSD
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