The sky is crying the blood of our ignorance
For this malice, there is no repentance
Down, down, down, the acid rain will fall
Corroding, burning, and destroying it all
This mechanical ingestion and secretion of toxic fumes
I don't care, keep on going, we're all doomed
With the earth as mother and sky as father
These reasons I need, this is why I bother
Inkblots of garbage we spill on our canvas of land every day
Spilling paints of plastic and oils of glass, not wanting the beauty to stay
Catch the drops before they spatter, is what to do
Do not throw them away, but use them for new
All that we hold close to us, and all that we hold dear
No longer natural, no longer artificial, just no longer here
The sky no longer cries, it will never cry again
They blame their ancestors, his friends and him
Author notes
This is suppose to be all couplets, but it wouldn't fit. Mother Earth means more to me than almost anything else.
Written December 24th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- by .
510 points, ended January 22, 2004, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest by NoUseForAName.
600 points, ended March 19, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I can totally get behind the message of this piece and the state of the earth and our environment is something I feel strongly about as well.
I think the couplets need work. The rhythm is off between them, forcing the reader to abruptly stop and try to find the rhythm again. Some of the rhyme feels forced "fumes and doomed" in that the line length is or isn't (depending on the line) manicured to fit with the rhyme. I think that might be what's throwing off the rhythm. -
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I can appreciate the criticism and even agree with most of it, but, if you noticed the date on the piece (I think I put one there) it was written when I was maybe fourteen or something and I have a hard time editing or re-doing something that has been with me for so long just as it is. Maybe it's something I should've done a long time ago. Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you thought.
Trent
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wow.. this is a great piece.. though i do feel the rhyme was off in some areas and came off somewhat forced.. anyways..thank you very much for entering.. good luck!.. Latears* Jessie
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This is good, I wrote one similar..except I did not use so much nature as imagery, I did use blood though. So I'm thinking your poem isnt so much about nature as it is perhaps HUMAN nature? Maybe I'm wrong but thats just what it seemed like to me. Well have a great day and keep up the good writing
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