Rose uplifts soul,
spirit that can not see.
Creates unique painting
within heart forever.
hands make up a world
for those can not hear
warm heart inside, guide
spirit without any fear.
have ability to do what
I do, I am grateful, to
lead a life see and feel
beauty within each other.
meet and learn so much
paint photographic words
within every bodies soul,
we are all unique, special
in every single way.
A contest entry
- does this make us sad?... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Ya..I do agree with you and your creative and imaginatively done poem..I love it..you did a wonderful job...thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece...
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hmmm this is a very awkward poem. I really like the idea behind it but it seems like every line is missing a word.
for instance: "within heart forever."
seems like there should be a 'her' 'his' 'their' just something in between within and heart.
this is just my opinion but I really do love the idea behind it and would love to see you clean the poem up a bit. -
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I find it personal If I start adding extra words her and his, and i hate to add the into my poems so i try not to and brake them down a little more.
so sorry if you found it a little awkward I will work with it to se e where i get.
thank you so much for you honesty and true crit means a lot
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