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Tying His Name to Love

He left a handprint on her heart
And every time thereafter,
As it beat futilely,
She felt an ache take her smile

Sometimes she'd glance over
To see if her name was on him
In his eyes or on his lips
All that was left were empty promises

In his dripping, crimson hands
Mingled the blood of countless hearts
And a new starry-eyed victim,
Whose trusting fingers clung to his

Words threatened to shatter her dry throat
Spilling out vehemently to break his lies
Into helpless sputters from busted lips
Still, a tie to love's alibi left her speechless

And she would ache when he was away
Even when all she couldn't see
Were the forsaken pledges
He'd forgotten, leaving her heart to bleed

A clear tear would remind her always
As she lay in her dreams, crying
Over the love she could never leave
Caught in perpetual loss she will not escape

Even with hate ruling her every heart-beat
Pangs cutting off her circulation
Tears drowning out her helpless cries
She still felt his false embrace, saw his fake eyes
Still tied his name to love's empty meaning

Author notes

Wheeeeee ._. poem. It's not much, but I wanted to write something, and this is all my muse would give me
Why is it always playing hide and seek?

Honest opinions, please

Name
Nephlim

A contest entry

Purple!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Fulabeans
    July 8, 2008

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    Holly crap...who hurt Nephy I will kill him I love thi spoem so deep and sad...men are dogs

    -Dustin-


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked tis very much thanks for entering and i will be adding this to the finalists list.


  • TacoSexyFail
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    In his dripping, crimson hands
    Mingled the blood of countless hearts
    And a new starry-eyed victim,
    Whose trusting fingers clung to his


    Its AMAZING. Honest Opinion: I'm freaking jealous of you cuse you are a better writer than I am.

    xD
    I love it, once again. I love ALL of your poems. The descriptions you use and the imagery, its all perfect and flawless. Can't wait to read the next!!


  • Freak-in-BlackJeans
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Woooooooooooooooow!!! I loved it sho sho mushhhhhhhhhh!!!!! It was really sad and stuff but nearing the end I couldn't help but think of Kiyo-chan for some strange reason (Kiyo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! I looooooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!)

    My fav fav fav part was:

    In his dripping, crimson hands
    Mingled the blood of countless hearts
    And a new starry-eyed victim,
    Whose trusting fingers clung to his

    Beautiful!!! <3 it very much, but I hope you feel beter from whatever your muse was doing to you...

    Naoto

  • babygirl 2008
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this one, i just got down reading all your poems and i think this one is my favorite... You seem like the kind of person that has been hurt a lot, and you just really know what your talking about when it comes to the TRUE WORD " LOVE "


  • Tik-Tok-Baby
    May 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow..K it says to give an honest opinion? Well here's your honest opinion. I think this was really real. The last two lines of the first stanza were amazing. I loved it. And I don't think that anyone who reads this will be let down or disappointed..

    Great Job Love.


  • Metaphorist
    May 26, 2008

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    I don't know what's with your author's notes. This is a great piece and one you should be proud of! The story flowed well from beginning to end. I was not disappointed.


  • Shrat
    May 26, 2008

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    Haha, stinking muse, Im gonna go on strike against it one of these days... This is a really great poem, with Buckets of feeling, and lovely stuff like that. Nice job!


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    May 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Loved it!

    "Words threatened to shatter her dry throat
    Spilling out vehemently to break his lies
    Into helpless sputters from busted lips
    Still, a tie to love's alibi left her speechless"

    What wonderful imagery! If this is all the muse would give you this day, I'm entranced by what could be on another!


  • The Anonymous
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Johnny De Good

    My Dearest Darling "John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schimdt",

    Well this one guy is the perfect one to ask that "Testicle Q"... And when he fails to answer it, imagine the protagonist knee-kicking this dude's crotch and his testicles coming out of his mouth one after the other... And him to faint after saying "You Win!", just like in the movie "Hot Shots! Part Deux"

    And this better not be real...
    If this is really happening, then seriously consider the aforementioned suggestion... Do the "Hot Shots! Part Deux".

    Honestly this will make a good Blues (good poetry makes good blues) song... something I would love to hear in the voice of BB King or Blind Lemon Jefferson (ha ha thanks to 'Black Snake Moan' ), Jimi Hendrix.

    Anyway I'm digging it majorily!!!

    'John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schimdt' FAN,
    Mayank.


  • neon nightmares
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ha, at least oyur muse is only playing hide and seek. mine has gone on strike.
    Anyway, I like this piece. it pretty much describes how i was feeling about love not too long ago.
    such sad and (not being funny here or anything) adult feelings are really really prodominant in this piece. a good job.
    Anyway, hugs


  • BrandonHerron270
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The furst line sounded a little bit awkward to me. And when you rhymed in some places, it threw off the flow, but overall, it was pretty good.


  • Sock
    May 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Neph,

    I know this sounds silly since I'm only, what, two years older than you? But, the way you write, is astounding to me. Your words flow so well and so gracefully, that, I'm sure it's hard to believe for some people that you're only as old as you are. A beautiful write, thank you for sharing. Luffles joo nephiroth

    Sock


  • Justin
    May 25, 2008
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    Ah, I meant that in the sense that your stanzas seem to have a flowing/sonnet-like feel, yet end quickly and without a rhyme. To me, it was much more dramatic.


  • Justin
    May 25, 2008
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    Booooooo. How can I critique something that is near perfect? I really don't have much to say. Uhh,... I loved your word choices/usage. You painted some wonderful images.... The one thing that worked best about this piece was how a lot of the stanzas ended abruptly. It was a unique and impacting choice. Great write.


  • Chanson belle
    May 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very powerful


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    May 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Astounding! This is an awesome piece. Thank you for sharing with all of us.


  • Babs
    May 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i jst simply think its AMAZING ...=)

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