Showering madness replaced cherished standards.
Unknown presence reveals embryonal universes
after brightness flowered inside my work.
A child's faith, close to nature's language
without hope roaming across earth,
unless his name cleaves society's blood
of faint kingdoms.
The hand that hammers
indicates the price of lost images.
Embracing air, receiving my own dust again,
whilst the snake lay down his head,
poisoned by generation's vertebra column
of denying knowledge.
A being too heavy for a constructed mind
only bound by pretences of dreaming immortality.
A contest entry
- RAW by Cat.
800 points, ended June 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The hand that hammers
indicates the price of lost images.
Too sad I think. I don't have my heavy thinker hat on right now, and my brain is tired. I am sad because it's September 11, and cannot let myself sink further.
I have a feeling you'd be familiar to Erasmus, maybe even Calvin. I certainly didn't think you knew any princes though
. . .
or do you?
Very not so fun write. Heavy. Sad.
RAW. Yeah, that would be raw.
You take care,
and thanks for reading,
jin
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The hand that hammers indicates the price of lost images. Beautiful line. The core of the poem.
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nicely done. the images are rich. I could see this pared down a bit- remove some of the thick adjectives so it feels less heavy- but heavier still with impact-
great to find you here
thanks,
mary -
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Hi,
many thanks for your kind words. I try to find my way between adjectives and nouns...still searching...
Erwin
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this is really good bro
i love you
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thanks Sis huggggggggggs you tight
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Beautifully done ~ best of luck in Kat's contest
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Thank you
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