A seed?
Colourwhirling through my head
Intensely suggesting themselves.
Dragonsmoke escapes cigarettes.
Dancing, dreaming here with the enacted
Roaming around me, flying, swimming
E-love screaming in their veins.
Absorbing myself in the spiral ceiling,
My joy's mine alone, as fake as their's, as true.
Seeding inner changes, slippin', trippin', livin'
Author notes
Inspired by a beautiful night in my life. Very different from my usual style,
- baconpeacecoffeedrugssexpoetrymusic lo group list • next in list
A contest entry
- PIF: anything under twenty lines. by checkmate.
700 points, ended May 28, 2008, 10 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really like this, I have never done acid myself, but it's always been something that I have wanted to try. You make it sound very interesting. You used great imagery, great poem!
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wow, i really love this and i have done acid so the color swirling, and it almost gave me flash backs.lol
great write,
KNIGHT TIME
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Not bad! I liked the opening pun.
Jim -
nice work.
well written- the background hurt though, but apart from that this was great.
best of luck,
checkmate. -
Interestingly bizarre spellings! I looooooove orginality and creativity especially when it lacks grammar. Well did! Ohhh yes.
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Seductive
Lovely, sensual poetry. I would prefer to read the "M" line as "My joy, mine alone, as fake as their's, as true" with slights pauses to really empower it. I think that is the strongest line in the work. Very nice!
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Wow there's some great imagery in here. It takes you on a roller coaster ride of imagination. I really liked, "Absorbing myself in the spiral ceiling" nice thought. Thanks for sharing.
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First off, may I obviously say that the colors you chose for this page were perfect. I was tripping by the time that the site finished loading. :-P
I love the imagery in this piece. Your choices of words are very captivating. One thing that confused me, though, was the line for "M." Just a suggestion, but it makes more sense to me for "My joy mine alone" to be written as "My joy IS mine alone." I'm not forcing anything on you though.... that part just kind of lost me.
But yes, this piece definitely makes me want to live that beautiful night in your life. Great write!
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